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Where I rewatch Yugioh GX, Episode 62
So everyone's still looking for Judai, Shou and Kenzan are still being annoying little shits, and Asuka is getting exhausted by it all. Seriously, who the FUCK argues about this sort of thin? I know I've brought this point up before, but they keep bringing it up, so I keep questioning it. Finally, Asuka puts her foot down and tells the two of them to knock it the fuck off (or else she will kill them and dump the bodies into the ocean). Now we've got Manjoume standing on the roof, laughing his head off as he goes on about how the Society of Light is going to turn the world white or some bullshit like that. You know, this vaguely reminds me of the Happy-Happy cult from Earthbound; only there, the joke was actually funny. Here, it's just painful and stupid. Kenzan asks where Judai is, and Manjoume says something about Judai being lost in confusion and sinking into deep darkness. Then he falls off the roof and grabs hold of the railing. Asuka is clearly sick and tired of these morons, and so am I.
TITLE SCREEN! NEW E-HERO! NEOS yes, because that's what judai needed, another e-hero.
Saiou is in his mystery white room and is wondering about Judai, whether his strength will be a match for his. My rolling of my eyes proves premature, as a card suddenly falls off of Saiou's table in a needlessly over dramatic slow motion shot. He picks the card up, and it turns out that it's the Death card in upright position, signifying perdition. In any event, Saiou is convinced that no one can defy their fate, and now we're with Judai, out in the middle of the ocean, whining about how he's hungry and how he doesn't know why he's even there. Wow, that sure was a great plan wasn't it, just stealing a boat and running away without telling anyone, wasn't it? By the way, if you guessed that Judai will not be fined or in anyway punished for theft of school property, you would be correct! Seriously, at least when Harry Potter got off light for the shit he pulled, it was for good fucking reason. Pointless flashback because the writers believe the viewers to be morons, and Judai whines about how he can't hear Winged Kuriboh anymore. Boo fucking hoo. He wonders what he should do (dive into the water and don't come back up), and then he sees a shooting star. Now, since Judai has the mental age of a five year-old, he tries to come up with a wish, when he notices that the shooting star, is shooting right for him. He tries to drive the speed boat away in an attempt to escape death by 'rocks fall, everyone dies', and then...the meteorite stops in mid air and starts glowing really brightly and then...okay, we've just wandered onto a Pink Floyd music video. Let's just wait this out, shall we?
So, after passing through the rainbow tunnel of flashback bubbles and falling through space, Judai awakens on a beach. All hopes that the writers have finished tripping enormous quantities of balls are dashed when Judai looks to his left to see Jupiter, up close and personal. Mind you, it takes a solid five seconds, and one terrible pun, for Judai to figure that it is Jupiter. Seriously, I try to exaggerate Judai's idiocy for comedic effect, but it's just not possible! Judai begins to wonder if he died and if he's in heaven or hell, and unfortunately, the real answer is far stupider, just like Jupiter. HI-YO! Oh, and Judai's big regret is that he didn't get to have Fried Shrimp one last time. Wow, that's even more insipid than Tsuna's dying will in the first chapter of Katekyo Hitman Reborn. I honestly did not see that coming. Then we hear someone do a wretched impression of a dolphin, which sounds an awful lot like a wretched impression of a monkey, and someone asks Judai a question. But all Judai can see are the dolphins. And if you thought that the writers would be stupid enough to do what it looks like they're doing, you would be correct. Yes, one of the dolphins swims up to Judai and confirms that he was the one Judai heard a moment ago.
Judai takes this as confirmation that he really did drown, and then for some reason the dolphin says that they're in the Neo Space of the Jupiter orbit. I've no idea why, since this is so very obviously Hippy-Space, so for the sake of honesty and accuracy, that is what I'm going to call it. The Hippy-Space dolphin says something about Judai having been invited there, and then leaps out of the water, revealing both a humanoid body, and a Hippy-Space asscrack. Charming. Judai laughs at how stupid it all is, quite the accomplishment I must admit, and the Hippy-Space dolphin tries to be taken seriously. Writers, there is nothing serious about Hippy-Space, at all. The Hippy-Space says that this is the Hippy-Space planet Hippy-Space Dolpin, which is located in Hippy-Space. Judai starts Hippy-Spacing out, and he starts crying for...some reason, I really don't get why. The Hippy-Space dolphin insists that Judai stops crying so that he can deliver some Hippy-Space exposition. Judai, having given up, gives in to the demands of the Hippy-Space Dolphin.
Boring shots of space, and apparently all conflict is the product of Hippy-Space Light fighting with Hippy-Space Darkness, and that space is the battle field for this Hippy-Space battle, a very boring and trite black-and-white conflict without any sort of moral ambiguity that could make it the least bit interesting. Oh, and apparently, contrary to everything in both the original manga, the original anime, and the previous season of GX, it is Darkness that is good and fosters life, and it's the Light of Destruction that is evil and bad. So, basically, a very dull and uninteresting pallet-swap that nothing interesting will be done with. And so "they", whoever the fuck they are, I suppose the Hippy-Space dolphin's friends, started looking for people with the "right strength of darkness", to fight the light. And they chose Judai. Wow, they must have been really, really, REALLY fucking wasted when they picked out Judai. And you know, it would be vaguely okay if it were implied that Judai had been chosen for beind the one who defeated the Mythic Demons, but nope, they picked just because he's the main character.
Judai does the textbook reluctance shtick, and the Hippy-Space dolphin engages in some Hippy-Space bullshit by claiming that the dueling that Judai "studies", is born of the opposition of Hippy-Space Radiation and Hippy-Space Blackouts. Why the fuck this show can't be satisfied by Duel Monsters coming from Ancient Egypt, and the occasional real monster coming from a person's soul, I've no fucking idea. Judai says he has no clue what the Hippy-Space dolphin is talking about, and so the Hippy-Space dolphin Hippy-space asks Judai why he "studies" dueling. Judai says that since his duel with Edo, his brain's been wiped clean, which is bullshit, for that to hold true, he would need a brain to begin with. So yeah, Judai has no idea why he duels all the time, and now another shooting star comes crashing down onto the beach. Gasp, it is no shooting star, it is UFO! The Hippy-Space dolphin says that this isn't Hippy-Space good, Judai's all 'what the fuck', and the Hippy-Space dolphin Hippy-space explains that it is a Hippy-space servant of the Hippy-space radiation. The Hippy-Space dolphin wants Judai to lend his Hippy-space strength to defend Hippy-Space, and Judai says he doesn't have any ray-guns, demonstrating that he hasn't paid the slightest bit of attention to anything the Hippy-space dolphin told him. Not that I blame him, even by this show's standards this is incredibly stupid. The Hippy-Space dolphin Hippy-Space explains one last Hippy-space time that all they need are Duel Monsters, and the Hippy-Space UFO finally lands, letting out a Hippy-Space robot. And of course, the Hippy-Space robot has a Hippy-Space Duel Disc. OF COURSE!
The Hippy-Space dolphin tries to push Judai forward, but Judai says he doesn't have his deck with him, and besides which, he can't even see his deck anyway. But according to the Hippy-Space dolphin, Judai's deck Hippy-space landed with him when he arrived in Hippy-space, and he points to...some probe or capsule or something. Judai and the Hippy-space dolphin Hippy-space run up to it, I'll note that the Hippy-Space robot has yet to do anything at this point, and Judai notices that the Hippy-space capsule is labeled, but is of course far too stupid to wipe away the dirt that does a painfully bad job of hiding that this is a Kaiba corp. probe. Of course, why the fuck Kaiba Corp would be launching ANYTHING into space, is likely to be answered in an extremely painful fashion. Oh, and then a piece of the probe Hippy-space spontaneously comes off, revealing a much smaller Hippy-space capsule, and in that capsule is a deck. Wow, that was convenient. The Hippy-Space dolphin tells Judai to Hippy-space remember his excitement, and that he is the only one in the entire fucking world who can save Hippy-space. Seriously, can we drop the whole 'chosen one' cliche already? Kazuki Takahashi did a good enough job with it in the original Yugioh manga, but honestly, this is an idea that has long ago worn out it's welcome.
Judai's ego is flattered, but he Hippy-space wonders why only he can save Hippy-Space. The Hippy-Space dolphin says that saving Hippy-Space will save the Earth, and he's the Hippy-Space hero. Which does not answer the motherfucking question, but the writers are going to pretend that it does, for their brains are made of tuna. Needless to say, Judai embraces the opportunity to feed his ego, and blindly Hippy-Space accepts the Hippy-Space drivel that the Hippy-space dolphin's been feeding him. You know, it would have been interesting if the Hippy-space dolphin had been lying, and he was really the bad guy, and Judai would learn not to blindly accept whatever he's told at face value. So of course, that's not what the show is going to do. And then a Duel Disc spontaneously Hippy-space appears on Judai's arm, because why not? Blah blah blah, the duel begins.
EYECATCH!
Well, this was a big waste of time, Judai's cards are still a blank white. But the Hippy-Space dolphin Hippy-space insists, so Judai takes his turn and draws a card, and then...bubbles, apparently, and for a moment the cad looks like the scribblings of a developmentally disabled child before becoming an actual, and still very stupid looking, card. And Judai continues to be a rude little prick and asks for a break, and why the fuck the robot doesn't just kill Judai with it's bare claws, I've no idea. Judai runs back to the Kaiba Corp. probe, and does what he should have done in the first place and wipes away the dirt, Hippy-space confirming that it is in fact the Kaiba corp. space probe. How the fuck did it end up in Hippy-space? Well, Judai has a flashback, and already we've got a giant-ass plothole; if Industrial Illusions is the company that makes the card, then why the fuck would Seto Kaiba, who's in charge of the Kaiba Corporation that produces the Duel Discs, be running a card-design contest. Oh, and by the way, chibi-Judai looks really stupid in his backward cap. Oh, and it would seem that the real Seto Kaiba was killed and replaced by a robot at some earlier point, seeing as there's no way that the real Seto Kaiba would ever have cards launched into space in a time-capsule, especially not to expose it to "space consciousness" or the radiation of justice or what the fuck ever he's supposed to be saying. And again, why the fuck is the Kaiba Corporation running a card design contest, when that's clearly and obviously Industrial Illusion's domain? For fuck's sake, they established this back in episode fifty, do these writers really hold their own continuity in that much contempt?
Yes, yes they do. And I'm not even going to begin to go into Seto Kaiba's wildly out of place laughter.
So stupid little Chibi-Judai thinks this is really cool, demonstrating just how stupid he always was, and he makes a bunch of really bad crayon drawings that only win the contest because the plot says so. Back in the Hippy-space present, Judai does not understand these Hippy-space complex things, but boy is he Hippy-space excited! And now all the rest of the cards in Judai's hand can be Hippy-Space seen, and according to the Hippy-Space dolphin, the cards that Judai Hippy-Space designed back then Hippy-Space received the Hippy-Space waves from Hippy-Space, and thus became new Duel Monsters. Which is complete bullshit, but whatever, the Hippy-Space robot is getting Hippy-Space mad at being Hippy-Space ignored. Blah blah blah, the Hippy-space robot is really boring, and oh, that's cute, the writers use the word 'entropy' like they have the slightest clue what it fucking means. And of course, Judai is too Hippy-space stupid to follow this third-grade Hippy-space dialogue. Anyway, Judai summons Cocoon Hippy-space Dolphin in Hippy-space defense position, and I bet everyone else who applied for that contest really wants to Hippy-space murder Judai right about now.
The Hippy-Space robot takes his turn, and Hippy-space sends two cards to the Hippy-space grave to special summon the Level 12 Light Source Hippy-Space Beast Candela...with an attack power of zero. Even Judai is not so stupid as to fail to notice this, but oh, for every card in the Hippy-space robot's Hippy-space hand, his monster gains 1000 Hippy-space attack and defense points. So now it has 3000 attack points. But it can't attack on the turn that it is special summoned, so the Hippy-space robot ends its Hippy-space turn. Judai takes his turn, and summons...Dandelion in defense position, and yes, it looks even stupider than you would imagine. Judai engages in yet another stupid flashback about how he designed both Dandelion and Cocoon Dolphin, just like the space pal he Hippy-space imagined, along with all the other imaginary friends he had back then, because real human friends have wills of their own and will tell you things you don't want to hear, and why should Judai ever be Hippy-space inconvenienced by that? But for some reason, he forgot all about that free Hippy-space excitement. Judai, that's called GROWING UP AND MAKING HUMAN FRIENDS, YOU STUPID ASS LITTLE DUMBFUCK! Of course, knowing the writers, they're going to come up with even stupider shit than this.
The Hippy-Space robot gets Hippy-Space mad, and Judai Hippy-space ends his Hippy-space turn. Oh, and it turns out that when Candela is out on the Hippy-space field, the Hippy-Space robot skips his draw phase, making Candela the shittiest monster ever conceived, no exception. Blah blah blah, AND WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING THAT HIPPY-SPACE EAR VIOLATING THEME! THIS EPISODE IS HIPPY-SPACE BAD ENOUGH AS IT HIPPY-SPACE IS! So yeah, the Hippy-Space robot attacks Dandelion, because if it Hippy-Space attacked Cocoon Hippy-Space Dolphin, Judai would not be able to Hippy-space win. Seriously, this whole duel is nothing more than a glorified tutorial, only even real tutorials don't take it this easy on you! Anyway, since Dandelion was destroyed, Judai gets to special summon two Hippy-Space Fluff Tokens in defense position. Blah blah blah, the Hippy-Space robot ends its turn.
Judai takes his turn, and plays Pot of Greed, giving him seven cards in his hand. Seriously, the fuck? Judai then Hippy-Space tells the Hippy-Space dolphin that he can Hippy-space see the Hippy-space concept of this Hippy-Space deck. The Hippy-Space dolphin goes on his Hippy-Space bullshit about how the Hippy-Space cards created by Judai's empty, vacant mind connect his space to their Hippy-Space, and that Judai is to become the bridge, the possessor of Dark Power. This is so Hippy-space stupid...Judai plays the Spell Card Contact, blah blah blah, bad special effects, Judai sacrifices Cocoon Hippy-Space Dolphin to special summon from his deck Neo Spacian Aqua Dolphin, AKA Hippy-Space Dolphin. Blah blah blah, more Hippy-space bullshit, and Judai sacrifices the two Fluff Tokens to specials his brand-new, whizz-bang, super special awesome, you better like it because he's going to play it all the fucking time from here on out, 2500 attack power, Elemental Hero Neos, AKA Hippy-Space Guyver. Who, by the way, is a Light attribute monster, which doesn't really fit with the whole 'possessor of darkness' 'dark is good, light is bad' motif that the writers have been stressing, now does it? God, how the hell the writers can fail so consistently, so many times...it boggles the Hippy-space mind, doesn't it?
Shut the hell up Judai, no one gives a fuck. Seriously, can someone just kill Judai already? We've gone through all this tedious Hippy-Space bullshit, and for what? To learn that Judai REALLY likes to have fun? Fuck the writers in their Hippy-space hole. Needless to say, Judai's sheer stupidity is overwhelming the Hippy-Space robot, and now Judai activates Hippy-Space Dolphin's Hippy-Space effect; he discards a card from his hand, looks through his opponent's hand, and picks a monster, and if Judai controls a monster with a greater attack power than the chosen monster, he can send it to the grave and deal 500 points of damage. Long, tedious, boring ass story short, Judai gets rid of all three the Hippy-Space robot's cards, dropping him down to 2500 life points, and now Candela has zero attack points, so Neos can attack it, dealing exactly 2500 points and winning Judai the duel. It is remarkable what can happen when a duel is Hippy-Space rigged, isn't it? And now the evil, bad-wrong big word using, fun hating Hippy-Space robot is destroyed.
Blah blah blah, the real Hippy-space battle's only just begun, this was only a test duel to confirm that Judai had not lost his pure heart from when he first contacted Hippy-Space, we get it already writers, growing up and maturing as a person is a terrible wrong thing that no one should ever do, SHUT UP! Nice, more Hippy-Space asscrack. Why? Blah blah blah, only Judai can save Hippy-Space and the Earth, things start getting all Hippy-Space wavery, and Judai Hippy-Space passes out in an effort to imitate Eragon. I've no idea why he would do that, that's a terrible idea. Judai wakes up, and he's back on Duel Academia island. Judai begins to think that it was all just a dream, the dream that he's had ever since he was a little kid that we've never heard of before now for some reason, and then our hopes are dashed once more when he sees the dolphins out in the water, and sure enough, when he looks in his deck, there's Neo-Spacian Aqua Dolphin. Hippy-Space space dolphin repeats his bit about Judai's empty skull being the connection between his space and Hippy-Space, and yeah, that's the end of that wretched excuse for an episode.
NEXT TIME! Judai wanders aimlessly through the woods, and...something about curry, EPISODE TITLE, KENZAN VS. CURRY MANIAC! SPICY DUEL huh, I could have sworn that this wretched episode came later. Huh. Oh, and the card of the week is of course Elemental Hero Neos, and like I said, you better like him, because you're going to see a lot of him, I'm not even fucking Hippy-Space kidding.
Well, I think I Hippy-Space managed to Hippy-space run this Hippy-Space running gag into the Hippy-Space ground. But honestly, what the fuck did I just watch? Because it sure as hell bore no thematic resemblance to the original series, that's for fucking sure!
TITLE SCREEN! NEW E-HERO! NEOS yes, because that's what judai needed, another e-hero.
Saiou is in his mystery white room and is wondering about Judai, whether his strength will be a match for his. My rolling of my eyes proves premature, as a card suddenly falls off of Saiou's table in a needlessly over dramatic slow motion shot. He picks the card up, and it turns out that it's the Death card in upright position, signifying perdition. In any event, Saiou is convinced that no one can defy their fate, and now we're with Judai, out in the middle of the ocean, whining about how he's hungry and how he doesn't know why he's even there. Wow, that sure was a great plan wasn't it, just stealing a boat and running away without telling anyone, wasn't it? By the way, if you guessed that Judai will not be fined or in anyway punished for theft of school property, you would be correct! Seriously, at least when Harry Potter got off light for the shit he pulled, it was for good fucking reason. Pointless flashback because the writers believe the viewers to be morons, and Judai whines about how he can't hear Winged Kuriboh anymore. Boo fucking hoo. He wonders what he should do (dive into the water and don't come back up), and then he sees a shooting star. Now, since Judai has the mental age of a five year-old, he tries to come up with a wish, when he notices that the shooting star, is shooting right for him. He tries to drive the speed boat away in an attempt to escape death by 'rocks fall, everyone dies', and then...the meteorite stops in mid air and starts glowing really brightly and then...okay, we've just wandered onto a Pink Floyd music video. Let's just wait this out, shall we?
So, after passing through the rainbow tunnel of flashback bubbles and falling through space, Judai awakens on a beach. All hopes that the writers have finished tripping enormous quantities of balls are dashed when Judai looks to his left to see Jupiter, up close and personal. Mind you, it takes a solid five seconds, and one terrible pun, for Judai to figure that it is Jupiter. Seriously, I try to exaggerate Judai's idiocy for comedic effect, but it's just not possible! Judai begins to wonder if he died and if he's in heaven or hell, and unfortunately, the real answer is far stupider, just like Jupiter. HI-YO! Oh, and Judai's big regret is that he didn't get to have Fried Shrimp one last time. Wow, that's even more insipid than Tsuna's dying will in the first chapter of Katekyo Hitman Reborn. I honestly did not see that coming. Then we hear someone do a wretched impression of a dolphin, which sounds an awful lot like a wretched impression of a monkey, and someone asks Judai a question. But all Judai can see are the dolphins. And if you thought that the writers would be stupid enough to do what it looks like they're doing, you would be correct. Yes, one of the dolphins swims up to Judai and confirms that he was the one Judai heard a moment ago.
Judai takes this as confirmation that he really did drown, and then for some reason the dolphin says that they're in the Neo Space of the Jupiter orbit. I've no idea why, since this is so very obviously Hippy-Space, so for the sake of honesty and accuracy, that is what I'm going to call it. The Hippy-Space dolphin says something about Judai having been invited there, and then leaps out of the water, revealing both a humanoid body, and a Hippy-Space asscrack. Charming. Judai laughs at how stupid it all is, quite the accomplishment I must admit, and the Hippy-Space dolphin tries to be taken seriously. Writers, there is nothing serious about Hippy-Space, at all. The Hippy-Space says that this is the Hippy-Space planet Hippy-Space Dolpin, which is located in Hippy-Space. Judai starts Hippy-Spacing out, and he starts crying for...some reason, I really don't get why. The Hippy-Space dolphin insists that Judai stops crying so that he can deliver some Hippy-Space exposition. Judai, having given up, gives in to the demands of the Hippy-Space Dolphin.
Boring shots of space, and apparently all conflict is the product of Hippy-Space Light fighting with Hippy-Space Darkness, and that space is the battle field for this Hippy-Space battle, a very boring and trite black-and-white conflict without any sort of moral ambiguity that could make it the least bit interesting. Oh, and apparently, contrary to everything in both the original manga, the original anime, and the previous season of GX, it is Darkness that is good and fosters life, and it's the Light of Destruction that is evil and bad. So, basically, a very dull and uninteresting pallet-swap that nothing interesting will be done with. And so "they", whoever the fuck they are, I suppose the Hippy-Space dolphin's friends, started looking for people with the "right strength of darkness", to fight the light. And they chose Judai. Wow, they must have been really, really, REALLY fucking wasted when they picked out Judai. And you know, it would be vaguely okay if it were implied that Judai had been chosen for beind the one who defeated the Mythic Demons, but nope, they picked just because he's the main character.
Judai does the textbook reluctance shtick, and the Hippy-Space dolphin engages in some Hippy-Space bullshit by claiming that the dueling that Judai "studies", is born of the opposition of Hippy-Space Radiation and Hippy-Space Blackouts. Why the fuck this show can't be satisfied by Duel Monsters coming from Ancient Egypt, and the occasional real monster coming from a person's soul, I've no fucking idea. Judai says he has no clue what the Hippy-Space dolphin is talking about, and so the Hippy-Space dolphin Hippy-space asks Judai why he "studies" dueling. Judai says that since his duel with Edo, his brain's been wiped clean, which is bullshit, for that to hold true, he would need a brain to begin with. So yeah, Judai has no idea why he duels all the time, and now another shooting star comes crashing down onto the beach. Gasp, it is no shooting star, it is UFO! The Hippy-Space dolphin says that this isn't Hippy-Space good, Judai's all 'what the fuck', and the Hippy-Space dolphin Hippy-space explains that it is a Hippy-space servant of the Hippy-space radiation. The Hippy-Space dolphin wants Judai to lend his Hippy-space strength to defend Hippy-Space, and Judai says he doesn't have any ray-guns, demonstrating that he hasn't paid the slightest bit of attention to anything the Hippy-space dolphin told him. Not that I blame him, even by this show's standards this is incredibly stupid. The Hippy-Space dolphin Hippy-Space explains one last Hippy-space time that all they need are Duel Monsters, and the Hippy-Space UFO finally lands, letting out a Hippy-Space robot. And of course, the Hippy-Space robot has a Hippy-Space Duel Disc. OF COURSE!
The Hippy-Space dolphin tries to push Judai forward, but Judai says he doesn't have his deck with him, and besides which, he can't even see his deck anyway. But according to the Hippy-Space dolphin, Judai's deck Hippy-space landed with him when he arrived in Hippy-space, and he points to...some probe or capsule or something. Judai and the Hippy-space dolphin Hippy-space run up to it, I'll note that the Hippy-Space robot has yet to do anything at this point, and Judai notices that the Hippy-space capsule is labeled, but is of course far too stupid to wipe away the dirt that does a painfully bad job of hiding that this is a Kaiba corp. probe. Of course, why the fuck Kaiba Corp would be launching ANYTHING into space, is likely to be answered in an extremely painful fashion. Oh, and then a piece of the probe Hippy-space spontaneously comes off, revealing a much smaller Hippy-space capsule, and in that capsule is a deck. Wow, that was convenient. The Hippy-Space dolphin tells Judai to Hippy-space remember his excitement, and that he is the only one in the entire fucking world who can save Hippy-space. Seriously, can we drop the whole 'chosen one' cliche already? Kazuki Takahashi did a good enough job with it in the original Yugioh manga, but honestly, this is an idea that has long ago worn out it's welcome.
Judai's ego is flattered, but he Hippy-space wonders why only he can save Hippy-Space. The Hippy-Space dolphin says that saving Hippy-Space will save the Earth, and he's the Hippy-Space hero. Which does not answer the motherfucking question, but the writers are going to pretend that it does, for their brains are made of tuna. Needless to say, Judai embraces the opportunity to feed his ego, and blindly Hippy-Space accepts the Hippy-Space drivel that the Hippy-space dolphin's been feeding him. You know, it would have been interesting if the Hippy-space dolphin had been lying, and he was really the bad guy, and Judai would learn not to blindly accept whatever he's told at face value. So of course, that's not what the show is going to do. And then a Duel Disc spontaneously Hippy-space appears on Judai's arm, because why not? Blah blah blah, the duel begins.
EYECATCH!
Well, this was a big waste of time, Judai's cards are still a blank white. But the Hippy-Space dolphin Hippy-space insists, so Judai takes his turn and draws a card, and then...bubbles, apparently, and for a moment the cad looks like the scribblings of a developmentally disabled child before becoming an actual, and still very stupid looking, card. And Judai continues to be a rude little prick and asks for a break, and why the fuck the robot doesn't just kill Judai with it's bare claws, I've no idea. Judai runs back to the Kaiba Corp. probe, and does what he should have done in the first place and wipes away the dirt, Hippy-space confirming that it is in fact the Kaiba corp. space probe. How the fuck did it end up in Hippy-space? Well, Judai has a flashback, and already we've got a giant-ass plothole; if Industrial Illusions is the company that makes the card, then why the fuck would Seto Kaiba, who's in charge of the Kaiba Corporation that produces the Duel Discs, be running a card-design contest. Oh, and by the way, chibi-Judai looks really stupid in his backward cap. Oh, and it would seem that the real Seto Kaiba was killed and replaced by a robot at some earlier point, seeing as there's no way that the real Seto Kaiba would ever have cards launched into space in a time-capsule, especially not to expose it to "space consciousness" or the radiation of justice or what the fuck ever he's supposed to be saying. And again, why the fuck is the Kaiba Corporation running a card design contest, when that's clearly and obviously Industrial Illusion's domain? For fuck's sake, they established this back in episode fifty, do these writers really hold their own continuity in that much contempt?
Yes, yes they do. And I'm not even going to begin to go into Seto Kaiba's wildly out of place laughter.
So stupid little Chibi-Judai thinks this is really cool, demonstrating just how stupid he always was, and he makes a bunch of really bad crayon drawings that only win the contest because the plot says so. Back in the Hippy-space present, Judai does not understand these Hippy-space complex things, but boy is he Hippy-space excited! And now all the rest of the cards in Judai's hand can be Hippy-Space seen, and according to the Hippy-Space dolphin, the cards that Judai Hippy-Space designed back then Hippy-Space received the Hippy-Space waves from Hippy-Space, and thus became new Duel Monsters. Which is complete bullshit, but whatever, the Hippy-Space robot is getting Hippy-Space mad at being Hippy-Space ignored. Blah blah blah, the Hippy-space robot is really boring, and oh, that's cute, the writers use the word 'entropy' like they have the slightest clue what it fucking means. And of course, Judai is too Hippy-space stupid to follow this third-grade Hippy-space dialogue. Anyway, Judai summons Cocoon Hippy-space Dolphin in Hippy-space defense position, and I bet everyone else who applied for that contest really wants to Hippy-space murder Judai right about now.
The Hippy-Space robot takes his turn, and Hippy-space sends two cards to the Hippy-space grave to special summon the Level 12 Light Source Hippy-Space Beast Candela...with an attack power of zero. Even Judai is not so stupid as to fail to notice this, but oh, for every card in the Hippy-space robot's Hippy-space hand, his monster gains 1000 Hippy-space attack and defense points. So now it has 3000 attack points. But it can't attack on the turn that it is special summoned, so the Hippy-space robot ends its Hippy-space turn. Judai takes his turn, and summons...Dandelion in defense position, and yes, it looks even stupider than you would imagine. Judai engages in yet another stupid flashback about how he designed both Dandelion and Cocoon Dolphin, just like the space pal he Hippy-space imagined, along with all the other imaginary friends he had back then, because real human friends have wills of their own and will tell you things you don't want to hear, and why should Judai ever be Hippy-space inconvenienced by that? But for some reason, he forgot all about that free Hippy-space excitement. Judai, that's called GROWING UP AND MAKING HUMAN FRIENDS, YOU STUPID ASS LITTLE DUMBFUCK! Of course, knowing the writers, they're going to come up with even stupider shit than this.
The Hippy-Space robot gets Hippy-Space mad, and Judai Hippy-space ends his Hippy-space turn. Oh, and it turns out that when Candela is out on the Hippy-space field, the Hippy-Space robot skips his draw phase, making Candela the shittiest monster ever conceived, no exception. Blah blah blah, AND WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU PLAYING THAT HIPPY-SPACE EAR VIOLATING THEME! THIS EPISODE IS HIPPY-SPACE BAD ENOUGH AS IT HIPPY-SPACE IS! So yeah, the Hippy-Space robot attacks Dandelion, because if it Hippy-Space attacked Cocoon Hippy-Space Dolphin, Judai would not be able to Hippy-space win. Seriously, this whole duel is nothing more than a glorified tutorial, only even real tutorials don't take it this easy on you! Anyway, since Dandelion was destroyed, Judai gets to special summon two Hippy-Space Fluff Tokens in defense position. Blah blah blah, the Hippy-Space robot ends its turn.
Judai takes his turn, and plays Pot of Greed, giving him seven cards in his hand. Seriously, the fuck? Judai then Hippy-Space tells the Hippy-Space dolphin that he can Hippy-space see the Hippy-space concept of this Hippy-Space deck. The Hippy-Space dolphin goes on his Hippy-Space bullshit about how the Hippy-Space cards created by Judai's empty, vacant mind connect his space to their Hippy-Space, and that Judai is to become the bridge, the possessor of Dark Power. This is so Hippy-space stupid...Judai plays the Spell Card Contact, blah blah blah, bad special effects, Judai sacrifices Cocoon Hippy-Space Dolphin to special summon from his deck Neo Spacian Aqua Dolphin, AKA Hippy-Space Dolphin. Blah blah blah, more Hippy-space bullshit, and Judai sacrifices the two Fluff Tokens to specials his brand-new, whizz-bang, super special awesome, you better like it because he's going to play it all the fucking time from here on out, 2500 attack power, Elemental Hero Neos, AKA Hippy-Space Guyver. Who, by the way, is a Light attribute monster, which doesn't really fit with the whole 'possessor of darkness' 'dark is good, light is bad' motif that the writers have been stressing, now does it? God, how the hell the writers can fail so consistently, so many times...it boggles the Hippy-space mind, doesn't it?
Shut the hell up Judai, no one gives a fuck. Seriously, can someone just kill Judai already? We've gone through all this tedious Hippy-Space bullshit, and for what? To learn that Judai REALLY likes to have fun? Fuck the writers in their Hippy-space hole. Needless to say, Judai's sheer stupidity is overwhelming the Hippy-Space robot, and now Judai activates Hippy-Space Dolphin's Hippy-Space effect; he discards a card from his hand, looks through his opponent's hand, and picks a monster, and if Judai controls a monster with a greater attack power than the chosen monster, he can send it to the grave and deal 500 points of damage. Long, tedious, boring ass story short, Judai gets rid of all three the Hippy-Space robot's cards, dropping him down to 2500 life points, and now Candela has zero attack points, so Neos can attack it, dealing exactly 2500 points and winning Judai the duel. It is remarkable what can happen when a duel is Hippy-Space rigged, isn't it? And now the evil, bad-wrong big word using, fun hating Hippy-Space robot is destroyed.
Blah blah blah, the real Hippy-space battle's only just begun, this was only a test duel to confirm that Judai had not lost his pure heart from when he first contacted Hippy-Space, we get it already writers, growing up and maturing as a person is a terrible wrong thing that no one should ever do, SHUT UP! Nice, more Hippy-Space asscrack. Why? Blah blah blah, only Judai can save Hippy-Space and the Earth, things start getting all Hippy-Space wavery, and Judai Hippy-Space passes out in an effort to imitate Eragon. I've no idea why he would do that, that's a terrible idea. Judai wakes up, and he's back on Duel Academia island. Judai begins to think that it was all just a dream, the dream that he's had ever since he was a little kid that we've never heard of before now for some reason, and then our hopes are dashed once more when he sees the dolphins out in the water, and sure enough, when he looks in his deck, there's Neo-Spacian Aqua Dolphin. Hippy-Space space dolphin repeats his bit about Judai's empty skull being the connection between his space and Hippy-Space, and yeah, that's the end of that wretched excuse for an episode.
NEXT TIME! Judai wanders aimlessly through the woods, and...something about curry, EPISODE TITLE, KENZAN VS. CURRY MANIAC! SPICY DUEL huh, I could have sworn that this wretched episode came later. Huh. Oh, and the card of the week is of course Elemental Hero Neos, and like I said, you better like him, because you're going to see a lot of him, I'm not even fucking Hippy-Space kidding.
Well, I think I Hippy-Space managed to Hippy-space run this Hippy-Space running gag into the Hippy-Space ground. But honestly, what the fuck did I just watch? Because it sure as hell bore no thematic resemblance to the original series, that's for fucking sure!