Where I rewatch Yugioh GX, Episode 80
Oct. 1st, 2010 01:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cypsiman2Okay, so in addition to running the card shop and catering, Ms. Tome also handles janitorial duties? Sure, why not, let one middle-aged pudgy woman take care of all the logistics all by herself, that seems fair and reasonable. Also, for some reason she has one of those little robot vacuum cleaner things, only this one looks like Pharaoh. And then she notices an empty glass case. Gee, I wonder if this will be relevant to the "plot"? Oh, and now everyone's back at Duel Academia, and despite everything that Judai "learned" while in Domino City, he is still a lazy, obnoxious, annoying little fuck who still won't do what he's supposed to fucking do! Oh, and now Winged Kuriboh shows up; will the little furball smack Judai around until he finally gets it into his head that Takuma Saiou is the great evil bad-wrong fun-hating light of destruction that he's supposed to be fighting against? What the fuck do you think?
Huh, my version of the video seems to have the original commercial breaks built right in. Whatever, it doesn't matter in the slightest.
TITLE SCREEN! ALICE OF DESPERATE LAND! i'm feeling a bit desperate for escape from this shitty show myself.
But really, who could possibly care about fighting the head of an evil cult dedicated to destroying the world, when there are more important things to worry about; important things, like the mystery of who cleaned up the Osiris Red dorm! Oh...wow...um...yeah, Gothic Lolita with a squeaky, high-pitched voice. Already, I am in despair. And we learn that our "friend" Kenzan is a lolicon. Wow, because I needed another reason to hate his guts. Blah blah blah, she serves them tea, oh and by the way her name is Alice; she said it earlier, but since I've instinctively tuned out everything she's said up to this point, you can hardly blame me for missing that. Judai asks who the heck is she anyway, and evidently she claims to be a transfer student. Yeah, sure she is. Oh, and apparently the tea is bad. I...guess I was supposed to laugh at that? And seriously, watching Kenzan, I feel like I'm going to have to make a phone call to Chris Hansen.
And now it is night. MISAWA! Evidently he's dropping by to look into this whole "exchange student" bullshit. Huh, big spread on the table, I'm sure it all tastes terrible. Okay, the writers seemed determined to make Kenzan creepier with every scene that he's in this episode. Seriously, the fuck is this shit? Also, the facial animation on this episode seems really off. I know that's a tiny thing to complain about, given the many substantive ways that this show fails at everything, but it's something I can't help but notice. Where was I? Oh, right, Kenzan being a creeper. And now Misawa's staring at the Gothic Lolita. Right, it was randomly decided back in season one that Misawa was a lolicon as part of the writer's efforts to emasculate, humiliate, and degrade him. Poor Misawa...
Now Judai is asleep, and I pray he falls out and breaks his neck, or failing that, his coccyx. Go on Winged Kuriboh, do it, you know you want to! Sadly, my dreams go unfulfilled. And now Kenzan is sleepwalking through the woods as an ethereal voice lures him along. Now Judai's out in the woods, looking for Kenzan evidently. But instead, he finds Misawa, collapsed against a tree! Gasp, what fiend could do that to him? Was it the writers? It was the writers wasn't it? Damn the writers, they won't get away with this! Apparently Misawa was looking into "Alice", but now when he tries to think about it, his head hurts. While this could be the product of some sort of spell or curse, my theory is that what he learned was so mind-numbingly stupid that his brain rejected that knowledge out of self-preservation.
Oh, and apparently Alice is doing her best Jesus impression by walking on water. I don't know why, but there it is. Blah blah blah, Judai wants to know where Kenzan is, and hey, Alice did that same tone-change thing that Tanya did back in season one! Why the fuck can't these ladies be allowed to speak in a deep, husky tone all the time? Oh, wait, Japan. Right. Oh, and there's Kenzan. How the fuck Judai didn't see him, I'll never know. Blah blah blah, according to the summary she's challenging Judai to a Duel of Despair to take away their lights of hope. Oh good god, what is the fucking point? We all know how this is going to go; Judai's light of hope will never go out, he will inspire Alice to change her ways, and once more a sixteen year old idiot is imparting valuable life lessons despite having all the focus of a gnat. Also, I thought that Light was BAD this season, and Dark was GOOD? But hey, keeping themes consistent for more than one episode is hard work, amirite?
Blah blah blah, Judai takes Kenzan's place, Misawa's character assassination continues unabated, and now the duel proper begins. Okay, this is not the music you use for a Duel of Despair, okay you twits? No, I don't care that you're being ironic or out of place, you're just being stupid. Anyway, Alice goes first and summons Alice the Wandering Bisque Doll in defense position. Then she sets two cards, and activates her Field Spell, The Haunted Dollhouse, ending her turn. Judai draws, he summons Burst Lady. He attacks, but it turns out that Alice's Doll can't be destroyed by battle, it deals five hundred damage to the opponent, and then it switches over to the opponent's side of the field. And when that happens, The Haunted Dollhouse's effect is activated, allowing Alice to special summon a monster from her deck that has "Doll-Part" in its name, so she summons Doll-Part blue, which is the doll's head. Nice. And Judai, having five cards in his hand, ends his turn. Because obviously there was nothing he could have done at that point.
Alice's turn, she summons Doll-Part Gold, which are the arms, and then she attacks Burst Lady, which Misawa points out is odd, since all the Doll-Part monsters have zero attack points. Doll-Part Gold is destroyed for 1200 damage, but Alice this lets her activate her trap card Necro-Doll, allowing her to special summon two more Doll-Part monsters from her deck, so out come Red and Pink, the legs and torso. And then she activates her other trap card, Soul Resurrection, allowing her to special summon Doll-Part Gold back from the grave. Now she uses Blue to attack Bisque, taking a total of 1500 points of damage but bringing Bisque back to her side of the field. And now Alice plays her spell card, Burial of the Marionette; basically, when she has these five monsters on her side of the field, she can sacrifice the Doll-Part monsters to special summon Doll Chimera. This better be fucking impressive, considering all the work she had to do to get it out like this...Mildly creepy, but not all that impressive.
EYECATCH!
Judai wonders what the heck kind of monster Doll Chimera is, and she explains that for every Doll-Part in her grave, Doll Chimera gains 400 attack points. There are four, so that makes it 1600. She ends her turn. Blah blah blah, Judai takes his turn, and...he summons Laris the Stargazing Bird? The fuck? That doesn't fit with his deck at all! Seriously, the shit is this shit? Oh, and apparently it gains 200 attack points times the level of the monster it battles with, and Doll Chimera is Level Five, so that raises its attack power to 1800. So he attacks Doll-Chimera, Alice takes 200 points of damage, and after it attacks Judai's stupid bird monster is removed from play and returns to his side of the field during his next battle phase. And of course Doll-Chimera isn't destroyed, only Judai was stupid enough to think that would work. Yep, Doll-Chimera comes right back, for by sending sending two Doll-Part monsters from her deck to the grave, in this case Blue and Pink, she negates its destruction. This also means that it gains 800 attack points, and now has a torso and head grafted onto its lower back. Still only mildly creepy. Judai switches Burst Lady to defense position, and then ends his turn.
Alice's turn, she plays Doll Hammer, allowing her to destroy one monster on her field to draw two cards, and to switch the battle position of her opponent's monster. She of course targets Doll-Chimera, whose effect allows it to survive by sending Gold and Red to her deck from her grave, raising its attack power to 3200. Okay, if the animation were at all decent that could have been creepy, but as it stands, it was not. Judai takes 2000 points of damage, and now Alice sets a card to end her turn. Judai's turn, he summons Bubbleman, draws two cards with its bullshit effect, and oh my fucking god, Pot of Greed? Seriously, he started that turn with six fucking cards in his hand, what the fuck does he need all this draw power for? Christ, this is shit. So yeah, now he's got eight fucking cards in his hand, big whoop. And of course, one of them is fusion, which he plays to summon Thunder Giant, whose effect destroys Doll-Chimera, but Alice just brings it back by sending Pink and Blue to the grave, raising its attack power to 4000. Now Judai plays Metamorphosis, sacrificing Bubbleman for Neo-Bubbleman. And of course he's not done yet, he equips Neo Bubbleman with Bubbleshoot, we all know what's next, he attacks with Neo-Bubbleman and uses the combined effects of his cards to blow up Doll-Chimera at no damage to himself. Oh, and he also special summons Laris back to the field, what the fuck ever.
Alice sends Gold and Red to the grave to bring back Doll-Chimera at maximum strength, 4800 attack points. I say maximum, because Alice has no more Doll-Part monsters left in her deck. And now Judai attacks with Thunder Giant and oh boy, here's the stupid as hell fucking speech about how dueling is fun and this is rich, Judai talking about how he just gets back up after he loses. And now all the hypocrisy meters in the world have just exploded, what a shock. Oh, and here's another shock, Judai plays another ridiculously situational card, Battle by Two; when the opponent's monster's attack power is at least twice that of your own, double your monster's attack power. So now Thunder Giant and Doll-Chimera have the same attack power, so they both go boom, Doll-Chimera doesn't get to come back, as Alice only now realizes, because apparently the writers felt the need to humiliate her, gee I wonder why. And now Judai attacks Bisque with Laris, takes 500 damage, but takes control of Bisque. And now he plays Spy Hero, which will be the final time he ever plays that card. So he sends two cards from his deck to the grave to activate a random spell card from her grave, and hey, what do you know, its Doll Hammer, so he uses it to blow up Bisque to draw two cards.
Alice is well and truly pissed at this point, and activates her trap card, The Curse Unleashed; when Bisque is destroyed, she gets to destroy all other cards on the field, and for every card that gets destroyed, the controller takes 300 damage. So both Judai and Alice take 300 damage, god in hell, can someone please make Judai shut the fuck up? And of course its fucking working, because the writers are fantasizing that they are Judai. Sickening. And now he plays Fusion Recovery to get back Fusion and Sparkman, and he sets two cards to end his turn.
Oh god, this makes me want to retch. Yes, now Alice reveals her back-story; she is a doll-spirit. I honestly could not make that up if I tried. Someone honestly thought that this would be a good premise for an episode. Judai duels a Doll-Spirit. Oh, in fact she was the doll in the glass case from before. Woo. Oh, and apparently someone who was using a Doll-Part deck sucked at it, tore up the Doll-Chimera card, so this made Alice go evil. Or something like that, it's incredibly fucking stupid and does not bear dwelling upon, especially since none of this will ever be referenced ever again. Blah blah blah, its now Alice's turn, she plays The Door to Mirror Land, and since she has Bisque in her grave she gets to special summon Eclia to the field. Which is of course properly dainty and feminine and soft and non-threatening, unlike the bad-wrong angry mean Doll Chimera. Can't you just smell the wretched gender politics going on here?
Anyway, Eclia starts with 1000 attack points, and gains 1000 for every complete doll set in her grave, so that raises her to 4000. She attacks, Judai activates Flute of Summoning Kuriboh, allowing him to special summon Winged Kuriboh, and then he activates Wings of Evolution, discarding two cards and sacrificing Winged Kuriboh to bring out Winged Kuriboh Level 10, who he sacrifices to blow up and destroy Eclia for 4000 points of damage, wining the duel. And of course, even though she loses, Alice is just so gosh-darn happy, because Judai taught her to always have fun, regardless of whether you win or lose. This message has been brought to you by the Department of Raging Hypocrites, telling people to do what they say and not what they do since October 6th, 2004. And now Alice disappears for no adequately explained reason. But then again, everything on this show pretty much happens without any adequate explained reason. So yeah, the doll is back in the case, and Kenzan is a fucking creeper. Again, not that any of this matters, since this episode will never, ever be referred to again. End episode.
NEXT TIME! Someone's spying on Asuka! Wow, will this episode be even creepier than the last one? And...apparently we're going to be riffing on game shows now. RANDOM! EPISODE TITLE, QUIZ DUEL? VS NAZORA PANEL 9. Oh, by the way, Judai? Shut the everliving fuck up. Card of the week is Larris, which bizarrely enough was actually released, despite being almost entirely incidental to today's duel.
It's episodes like these that make us ask certain questions. Questions like... What the fuck? What the fuck is this shit? And finally, what the shit is this fuck?
Huh, my version of the video seems to have the original commercial breaks built right in. Whatever, it doesn't matter in the slightest.
TITLE SCREEN! ALICE OF DESPERATE LAND! i'm feeling a bit desperate for escape from this shitty show myself.
But really, who could possibly care about fighting the head of an evil cult dedicated to destroying the world, when there are more important things to worry about; important things, like the mystery of who cleaned up the Osiris Red dorm! Oh...wow...um...yeah, Gothic Lolita with a squeaky, high-pitched voice. Already, I am in despair. And we learn that our "friend" Kenzan is a lolicon. Wow, because I needed another reason to hate his guts. Blah blah blah, she serves them tea, oh and by the way her name is Alice; she said it earlier, but since I've instinctively tuned out everything she's said up to this point, you can hardly blame me for missing that. Judai asks who the heck is she anyway, and evidently she claims to be a transfer student. Yeah, sure she is. Oh, and apparently the tea is bad. I...guess I was supposed to laugh at that? And seriously, watching Kenzan, I feel like I'm going to have to make a phone call to Chris Hansen.
And now it is night. MISAWA! Evidently he's dropping by to look into this whole "exchange student" bullshit. Huh, big spread on the table, I'm sure it all tastes terrible. Okay, the writers seemed determined to make Kenzan creepier with every scene that he's in this episode. Seriously, the fuck is this shit? Also, the facial animation on this episode seems really off. I know that's a tiny thing to complain about, given the many substantive ways that this show fails at everything, but it's something I can't help but notice. Where was I? Oh, right, Kenzan being a creeper. And now Misawa's staring at the Gothic Lolita. Right, it was randomly decided back in season one that Misawa was a lolicon as part of the writer's efforts to emasculate, humiliate, and degrade him. Poor Misawa...
Now Judai is asleep, and I pray he falls out and breaks his neck, or failing that, his coccyx. Go on Winged Kuriboh, do it, you know you want to! Sadly, my dreams go unfulfilled. And now Kenzan is sleepwalking through the woods as an ethereal voice lures him along. Now Judai's out in the woods, looking for Kenzan evidently. But instead, he finds Misawa, collapsed against a tree! Gasp, what fiend could do that to him? Was it the writers? It was the writers wasn't it? Damn the writers, they won't get away with this! Apparently Misawa was looking into "Alice", but now when he tries to think about it, his head hurts. While this could be the product of some sort of spell or curse, my theory is that what he learned was so mind-numbingly stupid that his brain rejected that knowledge out of self-preservation.
Oh, and apparently Alice is doing her best Jesus impression by walking on water. I don't know why, but there it is. Blah blah blah, Judai wants to know where Kenzan is, and hey, Alice did that same tone-change thing that Tanya did back in season one! Why the fuck can't these ladies be allowed to speak in a deep, husky tone all the time? Oh, wait, Japan. Right. Oh, and there's Kenzan. How the fuck Judai didn't see him, I'll never know. Blah blah blah, according to the summary she's challenging Judai to a Duel of Despair to take away their lights of hope. Oh good god, what is the fucking point? We all know how this is going to go; Judai's light of hope will never go out, he will inspire Alice to change her ways, and once more a sixteen year old idiot is imparting valuable life lessons despite having all the focus of a gnat. Also, I thought that Light was BAD this season, and Dark was GOOD? But hey, keeping themes consistent for more than one episode is hard work, amirite?
Blah blah blah, Judai takes Kenzan's place, Misawa's character assassination continues unabated, and now the duel proper begins. Okay, this is not the music you use for a Duel of Despair, okay you twits? No, I don't care that you're being ironic or out of place, you're just being stupid. Anyway, Alice goes first and summons Alice the Wandering Bisque Doll in defense position. Then she sets two cards, and activates her Field Spell, The Haunted Dollhouse, ending her turn. Judai draws, he summons Burst Lady. He attacks, but it turns out that Alice's Doll can't be destroyed by battle, it deals five hundred damage to the opponent, and then it switches over to the opponent's side of the field. And when that happens, The Haunted Dollhouse's effect is activated, allowing Alice to special summon a monster from her deck that has "Doll-Part" in its name, so she summons Doll-Part blue, which is the doll's head. Nice. And Judai, having five cards in his hand, ends his turn. Because obviously there was nothing he could have done at that point.
Alice's turn, she summons Doll-Part Gold, which are the arms, and then she attacks Burst Lady, which Misawa points out is odd, since all the Doll-Part monsters have zero attack points. Doll-Part Gold is destroyed for 1200 damage, but Alice this lets her activate her trap card Necro-Doll, allowing her to special summon two more Doll-Part monsters from her deck, so out come Red and Pink, the legs and torso. And then she activates her other trap card, Soul Resurrection, allowing her to special summon Doll-Part Gold back from the grave. Now she uses Blue to attack Bisque, taking a total of 1500 points of damage but bringing Bisque back to her side of the field. And now Alice plays her spell card, Burial of the Marionette; basically, when she has these five monsters on her side of the field, she can sacrifice the Doll-Part monsters to special summon Doll Chimera. This better be fucking impressive, considering all the work she had to do to get it out like this...Mildly creepy, but not all that impressive.
EYECATCH!
Judai wonders what the heck kind of monster Doll Chimera is, and she explains that for every Doll-Part in her grave, Doll Chimera gains 400 attack points. There are four, so that makes it 1600. She ends her turn. Blah blah blah, Judai takes his turn, and...he summons Laris the Stargazing Bird? The fuck? That doesn't fit with his deck at all! Seriously, the shit is this shit? Oh, and apparently it gains 200 attack points times the level of the monster it battles with, and Doll Chimera is Level Five, so that raises its attack power to 1800. So he attacks Doll-Chimera, Alice takes 200 points of damage, and after it attacks Judai's stupid bird monster is removed from play and returns to his side of the field during his next battle phase. And of course Doll-Chimera isn't destroyed, only Judai was stupid enough to think that would work. Yep, Doll-Chimera comes right back, for by sending sending two Doll-Part monsters from her deck to the grave, in this case Blue and Pink, she negates its destruction. This also means that it gains 800 attack points, and now has a torso and head grafted onto its lower back. Still only mildly creepy. Judai switches Burst Lady to defense position, and then ends his turn.
Alice's turn, she plays Doll Hammer, allowing her to destroy one monster on her field to draw two cards, and to switch the battle position of her opponent's monster. She of course targets Doll-Chimera, whose effect allows it to survive by sending Gold and Red to her deck from her grave, raising its attack power to 3200. Okay, if the animation were at all decent that could have been creepy, but as it stands, it was not. Judai takes 2000 points of damage, and now Alice sets a card to end her turn. Judai's turn, he summons Bubbleman, draws two cards with its bullshit effect, and oh my fucking god, Pot of Greed? Seriously, he started that turn with six fucking cards in his hand, what the fuck does he need all this draw power for? Christ, this is shit. So yeah, now he's got eight fucking cards in his hand, big whoop. And of course, one of them is fusion, which he plays to summon Thunder Giant, whose effect destroys Doll-Chimera, but Alice just brings it back by sending Pink and Blue to the grave, raising its attack power to 4000. Now Judai plays Metamorphosis, sacrificing Bubbleman for Neo-Bubbleman. And of course he's not done yet, he equips Neo Bubbleman with Bubbleshoot, we all know what's next, he attacks with Neo-Bubbleman and uses the combined effects of his cards to blow up Doll-Chimera at no damage to himself. Oh, and he also special summons Laris back to the field, what the fuck ever.
Alice sends Gold and Red to the grave to bring back Doll-Chimera at maximum strength, 4800 attack points. I say maximum, because Alice has no more Doll-Part monsters left in her deck. And now Judai attacks with Thunder Giant and oh boy, here's the stupid as hell fucking speech about how dueling is fun and this is rich, Judai talking about how he just gets back up after he loses. And now all the hypocrisy meters in the world have just exploded, what a shock. Oh, and here's another shock, Judai plays another ridiculously situational card, Battle by Two; when the opponent's monster's attack power is at least twice that of your own, double your monster's attack power. So now Thunder Giant and Doll-Chimera have the same attack power, so they both go boom, Doll-Chimera doesn't get to come back, as Alice only now realizes, because apparently the writers felt the need to humiliate her, gee I wonder why. And now Judai attacks Bisque with Laris, takes 500 damage, but takes control of Bisque. And now he plays Spy Hero, which will be the final time he ever plays that card. So he sends two cards from his deck to the grave to activate a random spell card from her grave, and hey, what do you know, its Doll Hammer, so he uses it to blow up Bisque to draw two cards.
Alice is well and truly pissed at this point, and activates her trap card, The Curse Unleashed; when Bisque is destroyed, she gets to destroy all other cards on the field, and for every card that gets destroyed, the controller takes 300 damage. So both Judai and Alice take 300 damage, god in hell, can someone please make Judai shut the fuck up? And of course its fucking working, because the writers are fantasizing that they are Judai. Sickening. And now he plays Fusion Recovery to get back Fusion and Sparkman, and he sets two cards to end his turn.
Oh god, this makes me want to retch. Yes, now Alice reveals her back-story; she is a doll-spirit. I honestly could not make that up if I tried. Someone honestly thought that this would be a good premise for an episode. Judai duels a Doll-Spirit. Oh, in fact she was the doll in the glass case from before. Woo. Oh, and apparently someone who was using a Doll-Part deck sucked at it, tore up the Doll-Chimera card, so this made Alice go evil. Or something like that, it's incredibly fucking stupid and does not bear dwelling upon, especially since none of this will ever be referenced ever again. Blah blah blah, its now Alice's turn, she plays The Door to Mirror Land, and since she has Bisque in her grave she gets to special summon Eclia to the field. Which is of course properly dainty and feminine and soft and non-threatening, unlike the bad-wrong angry mean Doll Chimera. Can't you just smell the wretched gender politics going on here?
Anyway, Eclia starts with 1000 attack points, and gains 1000 for every complete doll set in her grave, so that raises her to 4000. She attacks, Judai activates Flute of Summoning Kuriboh, allowing him to special summon Winged Kuriboh, and then he activates Wings of Evolution, discarding two cards and sacrificing Winged Kuriboh to bring out Winged Kuriboh Level 10, who he sacrifices to blow up and destroy Eclia for 4000 points of damage, wining the duel. And of course, even though she loses, Alice is just so gosh-darn happy, because Judai taught her to always have fun, regardless of whether you win or lose. This message has been brought to you by the Department of Raging Hypocrites, telling people to do what they say and not what they do since October 6th, 2004. And now Alice disappears for no adequately explained reason. But then again, everything on this show pretty much happens without any adequate explained reason. So yeah, the doll is back in the case, and Kenzan is a fucking creeper. Again, not that any of this matters, since this episode will never, ever be referred to again. End episode.
NEXT TIME! Someone's spying on Asuka! Wow, will this episode be even creepier than the last one? And...apparently we're going to be riffing on game shows now. RANDOM! EPISODE TITLE, QUIZ DUEL? VS NAZORA PANEL 9. Oh, by the way, Judai? Shut the everliving fuck up. Card of the week is Larris, which bizarrely enough was actually released, despite being almost entirely incidental to today's duel.
It's episodes like these that make us ask certain questions. Questions like... What the fuck? What the fuck is this shit? And finally, what the shit is this fuck?
