cypsiman2: I still believe in my dreams (Your writing is bad)
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So we open with Judai being whiny as he whines about having to carry a bunch of spare Duel Disks through the woods. Shou is acting weird and Judai wonders 'what the heck', and according to Shou they're going to be crossing a bridge soon, and apparently some dude has holed himself up there and has been challenging people to duels. Judai flashes back to Episode 16 from the previous season, highlighting how creatively bankrupt the writers are being, and Judai comments on the repetitiveness of it all. Sorry Judai, I've no sympathy for your plight. At all. Anyway, Shou says that when the guy beats you, he takes your Duel Disk, Judai brings up that they've already done this plot before, and Shou says "That's the RARE CARD thief, this is the DUEL DISK thief." Yes, those are completely different plot lines. Honest. And apparently 99 Duel Disks have been stolen thus far, and why none of the faculty have come down on the thief like a ton of bricks is beyond me, since at least the Rare Card thief had the sense to be in disguise and do it at night, whereas this jackass does it in broad daylight at a regular location. Oh, wait, that's right, the Adults have to be Useless, because if they weren't things would have to start making sense! Anyhow, Judai says this theft of 99 duel disks makes this guy Benkei, no idea why they keep having Judai make random references to Samurai once ever thirty or forty episodes, and then Judai notices that Shou isn't wearing his duel disk. Shou says most people don't wear theirs all the time, and now Judai's all fired up like a three-year old hopped up on sugar, ready and raring to go after that "Benkei" guy. And Shou looks at Judai in a fashion less like a little brother, and more like a worried mother hen. Woo.

TITLE SCREEN! ENTER TYRANNO KENZAN-SAURUS! have i mentioned how much i dislike verbal tics? because i really dislike them.

So Judai and Shou arrive at the bridge in the middle of nowhere, and oh joy, there's Tyranno Kenzan, the prick who assaulted Chronos and was not punished at all for it. And he's got a whole bunch of Duel Disks strapped to his back. Kenzan yells out to do this, Judai accepts, and as he starts taking off all the Duel Disks he's been hauling, Kenzan says he's got a PROGRAM here! Judai does not give a fuck, and for once I'm in agreement with him; I look out the window, and I see no horde of locusts; that does not reassure me. Kenzan insists that he must introduce himself first, Judai says he's the Benkei guy, Kenzan is all 'fuck no', he's Tyranno Kenzan, first year Ra Yellow. Judai persists in his 'Benkei' comparison, and I'm annoyed once more. Oh, and out of nowhere Kenzan's got a bunch of followers who call him 'Big Bro'. Shou is all 'WTF', and they announce themselves as the ones who can make even a crying child silent, the Tyranno Gang! Oh god...blah blah blah, some bullshit about the T-Rex being their image character, and no one gives a fuck on account of the fact that none of these guys will be seen again after this episode. And again, Judai does not give a fuck, he just wants to get to the duel. Kenzan, still insistent on procedure, demands Judai's name, he gives it, and everyone immediately recognizes it. But not his helmet hair, apparently.

Kenzan says something about the "charisma of the Duel Academia", Shou proceeds to be an annoying little shit, and Kenzan has an imagine spot of how great it will be if he can defeat Judai and become Duel Academia's new "Charisma". Which is bullshit, as Judai has no charisma, no matter how much the writers try to pretend otherwise. Kenzan declares that he accepts Judai's challenge, cheesy fire effect, and Judai points out that Kenzan was the one who issued the challenge to begin with. Also, are we ever going to explain why the fuck Kenzan's been taking people's Duel Disks? Blah blah blah, Shou and the Tyranno Gang get into a competition to see who can be more irritating, even Judai's beginning to feel it (good), and Judai complains about his opponent being impolite, and this is where I tear Judai's head off and punt it like an American Football. Which is fully justified as he still goes on calling Kenzan "Benkei", because he's a prick. Kenzan yells at him, and the duel begins.

Judai goes first and summons Wildman in defense position, and that's it. Shou is annoying, as is the Tyranno Gang, and my hope that a meteor will come down and kill them all goes unfulfilled. Kenzan takes his turn, and special summons Fleet-Footed Gilasaurus in attack position. Yes, Gilasaurus's summon can be treated as a special summon, but in turn the opponent gets to special summon a monster from their grave. Of course, Judai doesn't have a monster in his grave, so fuck him. And now Kenzan sacrifices Gilasaurus in order to summon Dark Driceratops, which has 2400 attack points. Judai is all impressed, Shou yells at him, and Kenzan waves his arm around as he declares his attack for no fucking reason at all. Oh, and it turns out that Dark Driceratops penetrates defense, so Judai takes 800 points of damage. And goddamn, is the Peanut Gallery more annoying than usual, or what?

Judai takes his turn, plays Reincarnation of the Dead to get back Wildman into his hand, and since the card he discarded is Necrodarkman, you get no points for guessing what Judai's next move will be. Yep, he did that so he could summon Edgeman without having to sacrifice any monsters. Not that he ever summons Edgeman by sacrificing monsters. Because that would just be silly. Judai attacks and destroys Dark Driceratops for 200 points of damage, and that's it for Judai's turn. Kenzan thinks that Judai's dazzling on the basis of absolutely nothing, but he refuses to give in, the Tyranno Gang cheers him on, and Kenzan thinks that he's not someone who wears a laid-back color like this, at which point I tear out his spine and whip him to death with it. Seriously, fuck Kenzan. FLASHBACK! Kenzan is taking his entrance exam, scores pretty well, and whines about how he wasn't able to get into Obelisk Blue. Seriously, fuck him so hard. Why was he, who had absolute confidence in his dueling, placed in Ra Yellow? and why the fuck are the writers treating Ra Yellow like it's shit? Fuck them twice over. People gathered around him for no fucking reason at all...okay, maybe it has something to do with him tearing off the sleeves of his uniform so his bulging biceps can have room...wait a second; when he first got off the boat, he already had his sleeves torn off, and yet here he doesn't tear them off until he's in his room. CONTINUITY, MOTHERFUCKER! Blah blah blah, Kenzan is as much of an entitled prick as Judai is, and this whole thing on the bridge is just about him stroking his ego. Seriously, double fuck Kenzan in the ear. END FLASHBACK!

Shou yells at Kenzan, and it seems he's speaking out loud this whole time. Let me check something...no, that wasn't funny at all. Judai recognizes a kindred prick spirit in Kenzan, blah blah blah, Kenzan takes his turn and activates the Field Spell Jurassic World. Which looks exactly like you imagine it would. According to Kenzan, all Dinosaur and Winged-Beast monsters gain 300 attack and defense points, and his Dinosaurs and Winged-Beasts can't be targeted by his opponents traps, and when his opponent attacks, he can switch his Dinosaur's battle position to whichever he prefers. In the real card game, Jurassic World only applies the Attack and defense boost, and only to Dinosaurs. And it is the latter version that will be used after this episode. Just thought I'd mention that. Kenzan then finally summons a monster, Archaeopteryx Archeonis, whose attack is boosted to a grand total of 600. Mind you, it can attack the opponent directly, so it's only 90% useless. He attacks, and...

EYECATCH!

So Judai takes 600 damage, and Kenzan sets a card to end his turn. Kenzan starts fishing for praise, which is really unsightly, and apparently the Tyranno Gang is bored now, since Kenzan always wins once he has Jurassic World on the field. The fuck...? Judai takes his turn, says Kenzan sure is interesting, and summons Wildman in attack position. Which for no discernible reason really impresses the Tyranno Gang. Honestly, I've no idea what the fuck is supposed to be so impressive about Judai's plays, it's all purely arbitrary anyway. Kenzan is all 'WTF', Judai declares his attack with Edgeman, and Kenzan activates his trap card Amber Pitfall; this negates Edgeman's attack and forces it into Defense position for as long as its on the field. Judai attacks with Wildman, and Kenzan uses Jurassic World to switch Archeonis to defense position, and it turns out that with Jurassic World's boost it has 1600 defense points, so not only does it not get destroyed, Judai takes 100 points of damage! SEE IT YOU UNGRATEFUL PRICKS, THE POWER OF RA YELLOW THAT YOU'RE SO QUICK TO DISMISS! Oh, and Judai sets two cards to end his turn. Judai acts annoying, and the Peanut Gallery continues to be annoying as all fuck.

Kenzan is irritated at how all the attention is on Judai despite the fact that he's the one who's kicking ass in this duel, and for a moment I contemplate sympathy for Kenzan's plight. But only a moment, he's still an egotistical prick who's constantly starving for praise and attention. Cheesy fire effect, and Kenzan takes his turn. He plays the spell card Earthquake, switching all monsters on the field to defense position, and then he follows this up with Revised Ultra Evolution Pill, which lets him sacrifice a Winged Beast to special summon a Dinosaur from his hand, blah blah blah about Birds and Dinosaurs, the writers score a critical research failure when they talk about evolution in terms of tens of thousands of years, and finally he summons Dark Tyranno, which thanks to Jurassic World has an attack power of 2900. Furthermore, when all of the opponent's monsters are in defense position, Dark Tyranno can attack directly. Kenzan declares that he'll take Judai's "charisma", and attacks directly. But of course Judai survives with 100 life points, and he explains to us what the fuck he did...Oh, fuck a duck, Insurance?!?!?!?! Yes, remember that peace of shit card? Yeah, he activated one, and returned a second one to his hand. Of all the fucking stupid worthless plays, of all the rancid bullshit that is being sold to us as brilliant dueling...fuck Judai, fuck Kenzan, fuck Shou, fuck the Tyranno Gang, and fuck the writers for bringing it all together.

Kenzan ends his turn, and goes into a whine-fest about how he's always being abandoned by his followers and so he started stealing Duel Disks to improve his charisma, which is a bit like punching someone's mother, grandmother, and niece all in the face so that they will become friends with you. Whine whine whine, blah blah blah, and Judai looks really creepy in this split screen shot as he declares he still has his turn coming up. Ok, seriously, what the fuck, why are Judai and Kenzan looking at each other like that? No, I'm serious, what the fuck? I mean, this could be Ho Yay, but really, it comes across more as just incredibly sloppy, poorly done animation. Blah blah blah, Judai's got everyone all pumped up, Judai plays Pot of Greed, and then plays Skyscraper, destroying Jurassic World. Oh, how cute, we get to go through the Ice Age. No idea why that happens, it just does so that Judai can say a stupid line. And now Kenzan's getting all excited and he realizes this is what he's been lacking all this time. Blah blah blah, some bullshit about Jurassic World being too impregnable, just like him, he did bad things and good things, he's too neutral to get people excited, and where is that fucking sniper I hired? Now, Judai on the other hand, as Kenzan puts it, he feels so much excitement coming from him!

God in hell, please let this episode be over soon.

And then Judai fuses Featherman and Wildman into...Kenzan can't take the suspense, and it's Wild Wingman. Who looks really stupid, but then again so do most of Judai's monsters, and it also has only 1900 attack points. Also, by discarding a card from his hand, Judai can destroy a spell or trap card on the field, so boom goes Amber Pitfall, which lets Judai switch Edgeman into Attack position. Peanut Gallery continues to survive and therefore annoy, and thanks to Skyscraper Wild Wingman will gain 1000 attack points, so he attacks and destroys Dark Tyranno for 300 points of damage, and then he attacks directly for 2600 points of damage, but wait, Kenzan still has 900 life left...so of course, Judai has De-Fusion in his hand, which lets him attack with Featherman for the win. And as Kenzan is enraptured by his new Big Bro, his eyes do this really weird thing, which will be eventually be explained in the most asinine fashion possible. Blah blah blah, Kenzan falls into the river, and it turns out the water is so stupidly shallow you could just walk across it.

SCENE TRANSITION! At the Osiris Red dorm, Chronos is still whining about Edo Phoenix, and how the Osiris Red dorm is being expanded, blah blah blah, Napoleon really wants to get rid of Osiris Red for no fucking discernible reason. Seriously, I've seen Scooby-Doo villains who made more sense than this prick. And...for some reason Kenzan takes all his stuff into the Osiris Red dorm. Shou demands to know what the fuck Kenzan's doing there, Manjoume says there's nowhere near enough room for another, Shou is an annoying little shit, and Kenzan's convinced that being at 'Big Bro's' side will help to improve his "charisma", and so the guy who whined about Ra Yellow not being good enough for him will now be slumming at the Osiris Red dorm. Oh, and he broke up the Tyranno Gang. Whoo. Shou throws a fit about Kenzan calling Judai 'Big Bro', Manjoume offers to show Kenzan what real charisma is, and Kenzan ignores him because he's a fucking prick, just like Judai. Blah blah blah, end of episode.

NEXT TIME! Shou's going to be dueling an Obelisk Blue, he thinks he'll be humiliated, Judai says this could be his big chance to make it into Ra Yellow, which apparently is good again, and WHOA! Lady, put some proper goddamn clothes on, for fucks sake you're just a teenager! Blah blah blah, EPISODE TITLE, SHOU VS. THE BUG GIRL! INSECT PRINCESS Oh, and the card of the week is Jurassic World, which as I mentioned before is horribly nerfed outside of this episode.

You know, for an episode that was all about "charisma", I sure as hell didn't see any!

Date: 2010-07-04 05:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cypsiman2.livejournal.com
Hey, so long as your whole system doesn't crash and cause you to lose everything, Windows hasn't REALLY screwed you over!

Yep, they can do good animation, music composition, and get some fine voice actors. But for the love of all that is good and card-game related, don't let them pen the stories!

Peachshipping always makes me feel better <3. And yeah, ff.net is such a pain, but what are you going to do, it's not like you're being charged in the first place; doesn't give you much leverage with them, does it?

That is true. *hugs laptop*

Well, it's more like, "in my heart, I know the real Seto Kaiba would not put up with any of this horseshit".

Wasn't it just moving, the way he carried that old lady across the street? *said with all the emotion of Heero from Gundam Wing*

That's what I mean; the GX anime doesn't even work as a proper 'turn off your brain and follow the advertisement' show. That's really a big pile of fail!

Thank you, thank you, remember to tip your waitress, she really needs to pay off her tuition!

Date: 2010-07-04 05:26 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] koi-no-soshan.livejournal.com
True, true!

And true again!

I probably won't post it to LJ just yet, though >< It's going to be at least 20 parts, and spamming my LJ with 20 drabbles individually seems kind of overboard, especially in short succession.

*hugs own laptop*

If I could write crack, I would write what GX would look like with the real Kaiba Seto involved.

I don't think we can get anymore deadpan, unless maybe we turn to Sesshoumaru, but he doesn't talk often enough.

When they write only to advertise and fail at even that...like I've said, it's almost amusing.

Eh?

Date: 2010-07-04 05:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cypsiman2.livejournal.com
20 parts? Wow, that is quite a bit! Yeah, spamming each one of those on their own would be a bit much, but I do look forward to reading them when the time is right!

First step; Seto Kaiba, using nothing but logic, is able to argue that Dueling Vampires can't exist, causing Camula to vanish in a puff of logic.

Yeah, I think we've hit the absolute limit on deadpan.

Almost indeed...well, at least sharing the snark with you is more than amusing enough!

Ah, I was acting like I was a stand-up comic in some seedy club or something. Sorry.

Date: 2010-07-04 05:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] koi-no-soshan.livejournal.com
With each drabble being only about 200 words, it shouldn't take long for me to reach my LJ-required 10 drabbles for compilation. Til then, there's always ff.net.

Hee! If only that was what had really happened! If you ever get in the mood for crack... ;)

Very amusing! As I've said, I only get through these episodes because I also have your amusing commentary to look forward to!

Ah. Don't worry, I'm just not very good with those sorts of references. I'm kind of out of touch with modern culture, so what I understand and don't is pretty hit-and-miss ^^;

Date: 2010-07-04 05:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cypsiman2.livejournal.com
Til then indeed!

You know, I might just begin to do some of those, in between working on chapters for Year Three, Trial of the Heart (I'm up to Chapter 17 right now).

And you reading the commentary and commenting back, gives me super-strength!

Ah. Well, if I knew anything about Ancient Egyptian attitudes towards humor and comedy, I would have that sort of reference instead!

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