Where I rewatch Yugioh GX, Episode 85
Oct. 7th, 2010 08:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cypsiman2Oh hey, now we've got subs! That means I get the full concentrated stupid of this episode directly, instead of having to constantly reference the summary...yay? So, we open with Judai being a complete and total asshat. By which I mean he's still being an entitled prick who expects everyone to come duel him, rather then exerting himself and looking for opponents to duel. Shou enables, so does Kenzan, and a crevice does not open up beneath the lot of them, killing them horribly, thus proving the absence of a just and righteous god in the world of Yugioh GX. SUDDENLY, STORM CLOUDS! STRAIGHT OUT OF CLUMSY AS ALL HELL SYMBOLISM 101! Also, huge column of fire. Shou thinks that they should go investigate, which is good because you know that Judai would never have figured that shit out on his own. Also, Winged Kuriboh's presence in this scene was utterly pointless. Oh, ha ha, very funny show, trying to make me think that you're trying to trick me into thinking that someone just summoned the Sun Dragon of Ra so that you can destroy my mind through sheer stupidity. WELL IT WON'T WORK! I already know that you're that stupid, so you can't break me again that easily! Oh, that was cute, he just beat a Ra Yellow student. Wait, not cute...insipid!
TITLE SCREEN! THE MAN WHO MANIPULATES THE GOD CARD, SUN DRAGON OF RA come on show, go ahead, try and break me, you know you want to!
HELICOPTER! And out comes Pegasus, here to grab up another quick paycheck. Boy, I hope that Pegasus's voice actor isn't in debt and that's the reason he keeps agreeing to show up like this. Oh, right, the actual show. Wait...is that Hayato? The fat, bland, and utterly forgettable character who left the series when the writers realized what a waste of ink he was? Who wants to bet that he's just as pointless now as he was back then? Everyone? Good! Seriously though, back to the show; Judai just barges into Principal Samejima's office, no comprehension of how rude he's being, all excited about getting to see Hayato again and not at all concerned about the conversation he's just interrupted. Of course there is no reprimand or punishment, just Hayato giving Judai a hug and Pegasus asking who the heck Judai is. Apparently Hayato's been telling Pegasus all about Judai, which means that the shilling for our resident Wesley has already been taken care of. Hey, exposition that no one who's been watching this show could conceivably need; are the writers talking down to us? Yes they are, YES THEY ARE, WHO'S A STUPID AUDIENCE WHO'LL SWALLOW WHATEVER DRIVEL IT'S GIVEN? WHO'S THE AUDIENCE THAT ENJOYED DOMA DESPITE IT BEING OFFICIALLY SANCTIONED CANON DEFILEMENT? WE ARE!
So anyway, onto the exposition that explains the plot for the episode; someone's stolen the Sun Dragon of Ra!...or to be more precise, it is a copy, since the original, true God Card is no longer available for anyone's use. Personally, I like the idea that after defeating Atem, Yuugi got to keep the God Cards as a mark that he's the true King of Games, but that's beside the point; the point here, is who the fuck thought it was a good idea to create a copy of a God Card, considering that whenever anyone tried to play a copy of a God Card, they were horribly horribly killed, and Pegasus knows this? Some bullshit about one copy being left for research purposes, which doesn't even begin to make sense, and it has been stolen by Pegasus's main designer, who's taken it to use in the GX tournament. Now, how he's managed to do this without being turned into a deep-fried vegetable by the wrath of Ra, should prove to be an...interesting answer.
And I like how Samejima notes that everyone on the island is in danger so long as the God Card is loose, and has yet to warn anyone outside of that room. I'd blame Samejima, but really, that's just the narcissism of the writers at work. Judai finally adds two and two together, and realizes that it was Ra he saw earlier...oh, and never mind what I said earlier, Samejima does warn everyone, although he just says that the tournament's being interrupted without explaining why, so you know that you're going to have a bunch of people disregarding that warning anyway. So, really, I only take back half of what I said earlier. Blah blah blah, the only point of this scene in Judai's room, and the only point of Hayato's continued existence, is to give Judai the card that will let him win today's duel. Because obviously Judai is going to duel Ra, and if he gets burned alive, I won't mind that at all.
So, apparently he catches up with Pegasus in a very poorly drawn background, and Pegasus provides more exposition instead of looking for the escaped God Card Copy. Said exposition is shit any proper fan of Yugioh already knows, so if you needed that exposition, than you need to stop watching any form of Yugioh right this instant, you unworthy bastard! Oh hey, its Frantz, the guy they were looking for. Only he finds them, as is typical for this show, where the protagonists are forbidden from taking any initiative whatsoever, and those who do are punished mercilessly. Pegasus tries to talk some sense into Frantz, but unfortunately Frantz can't understand him through his thick accent. Also, Frantz is a nutter and wouldn't listen anyway. He challenges Pegasus, but of course Judai has to have his way, and even though from Pegasus's point of view Judai is just some stupid kid who's no clue what he's getting himself into, he doesn't stop him. By the way, Judai's entire basis for wanting to stop Frantz is because he's wrecking Yuugi's legend, and has nothing to do with all the lives he's endangering. Good to know Judai has his priorities in order, right?
Also, what is this bullshit about Yuugi being able to see the spirits of the cards? Oh, right, that must have been an Anime addition, since in the original manga, the only spirit that Yuugi would see was Atem. Oh adaptation decay, is there nothing you won't taint with your touch? AND KNOCK OFF THAT BULLSHIT WHERE YOU SUPERIMPOSE YUUGI OVER JUDAI, IT IS NOTHING LESS THEN THE GREATEST POSSIBLE DESECRATION YOU COULD IMAGINE! Also, I'm noticing that it is Atem who's being superimposed over Judai, and not Yuugi Mutou. Because, you know, Yuugi isn't sparkly enough for his own franchise. So yeah, for those incredibly stupid reasons, Pegasus lets Judai challenge Ra, and I hope Judai gets burned alive for his heresy. Why yes, the God Cards are the most powerful cards, thank you for redundantly pointing that out. Blah blah blah, the duel finally begins.
Judai goes first, and he plays Fusion, sending Wildman and Necrodarkman to the grave for Necroid Shamen. Then he uses Necrodarkman's effect to summon Neos. And, for some reason, Pegasus thinks that Judai summoning Neos is...unbelievable? Why the fuck would he regard Neos as the least bit remarkable? To him, Neos would be just another random card his company's churned out, nothing more. Wait, Judai's sweating? Could it be that he's actually...nervous? Could the gravity of his situation have finally reached him? Frantz takes his turn, and over-dramatic draw, much? Ooh, Frantz just called Judai on his fear. You know, even if Frantz is committing blasphemy of the highest order, if he manages to wipe Judai off the face of the Earth, I think that will balance the books quite nicely. Anyway, he summons Apostle of Ra in attack position, with 1100 attack points. This activates its effect, allowing Frantz to add two more Apostles of Ra from his deck to his hand. Then he plays Trap Booster, discarding a card from his hand to activate a trap card from his hand; in this case, Ultimate Offering. With it, he pays 1000 life points to summon out the other two Apostles of Ra, and to the surprise of nobody, it takes Judai several seconds to realize what it is that Frantz is going to do. Thus, Frantz pays 500 life points, gets one hell of a special effects budget, and down comes Ra. And hey, we've got Judai's shocked face, so already this is going how it should. Yeah Judai, you might have beaten those cheap knock-offs, the Mythic Demons or whatever, but this is the real deal, you prick.
Blah blah blah, Kenzan, Shou, and Hayato all have death wishes, which is just fine by me. Now, how exactly does Frantz plan on keeping Ra from blasting both him and Judai with Lightning, the way it did with Rishid and Jounouchi during the Battle City finals? Well, before we can find out, Frantz seems determined to win a Darwin Award by taunting a GOD! And apparently his safeguard from being fried on the spot...is a Field Spell card called The Mounds of Binding God, which he created.
...
...
QUESTION!
yes?
THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!
that's not a question.
WELL IT SHOULD BE!
Setting aside the fact that in the time it would take for Frantz to play such a card, Ra could kill him many times over...HOW THE FUCK COULD SUCH A CARD EVEN WORK TO BEGIN WITH? THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GOD CARDS IS THAT THEY ARE BEYOND SUCH MEAGER CARDS! THEY SHRUG OFF THE EFFECTS OF SPELLS AND TRAPS LIKE THEY WERE NOTHING, AND THEY CRUSH ALL MONSTERS THEY COME UPON LIKE SO MANY...EASILY CRUSHED THINGS! YES, YUUGI WAS ABLE TO DESTROY RA WITH MAGICAL DIMENSION (LA LA LA, RAGNAROK WAS A STUPID ANIME INVENTION THAT MADE NO SENSE LA LA LA), BUT THAT'S BECAUSE THE WAY IT PLAYED OUT IN THE MANGA, MAGICAL DIMENSION WAS A CROSS BETWEEN A SPELL AND A MONSTER EFFECT, ALLOWING IT TO BYPASS RA'S IMMUNITY. ALSO, THE POINT WAS THAT YUUGI'S MAGICIANS WERE THE REAL ACES OF HIS DECK, AND THEIR COMBINED POWER COULD SURPASS THE GODS!
So, anyway, the bullshit is well underway, chains wrap themselves around Ra, chains that it could easily break if this show weren't stupid incarnate, blah blah blah, and Frantz attacks Necroid Shamen, destroying it for 1400 points of damage. Oh, and in addition to letting Frantz control a God Card, which is absolute bullshit, every time a level 10 or higher monster destroys a monster, 400 damage is dealt to the opponent. Well, that was underwhelming. Also, Judai isn't in anywhere near as much pain as he should be. Why isn't he in more pain? Also, if Ra is crying, it is because of the heresy that the writers are committing against it. Also, Judai, stop it right the fuck now, or else I will hate you even more than I already do, which is impossible, being that I hate you with every fiber of my being as it is.
EYECATCH!
Oh hey, the other members of the idiot squad are here. Whatever, I don't give a fuck about them. Judai's turn, he switches Neos to defense position, and he summons...Card Gunner? Yes, it's yet another random ass card that doesn't fit into Judai's deck at all, but the writers put it in anyway because it's not like Judai doesn't get enough in the way of random cards as it is. Anyway, he summons it in defense, and that's his turn. Frantz goes next and summons Nubian Guard, with 500 attack points. Ra kills Neos, does 400 damage with the Mounds, and using a God as a mere beatstick? How pathetic can you get! Anyway, Nubian Guard destroys Card Gunner, which activates its effect, letting Judai draw another card. And Frantz just ends his turn, with a very vulnerable 500 attack power monster on the field, and nothing to protect it. More and more, this guy is a moron, with stupidity on par with the writers.
Judai's turn, oh what a shock, Pot of Greed. And he summons Burstlady...huh, I would have expected Bubbleman. I guess the writers realized that would have been too trite and predictable, even for them...nahhh! And now he plays Burst Impact, which since he has Burst Lady will destroy all other monsters on the field. Of course, Judai is a complete moron, and while Nubian Guard is destroyed for 300 damage, Ra is untouched. Oh hey, another bullshit one-episode only situational card! This bullshit card is call Damage-Off Zone, and so long as its on the field, Judai will only suffer half battle damage, and he can send it to the grave, along with half of his life points, to reduce battle damage to zero. Why isn't this a trap card?
Frantz takes his turn, and decides that one good turn deserves another, so he pays 1000 life points to destroy all of Judai's monsters, which in this case is just Burst Lady. Why the fuck he didn't do this when he first summoned Ra so that he could attack directly, and then one more time on the next turn so that he could attack for the win, I've no idea. But hey, as we've well established by now, Frantz is even stupider than the writers. Also, why the fuck wasn't Judai killed just now? Jounouchi only barely survived, and that's because he's Jounouchi, a genuine BAMF. Judai, by contrast, is a fucking poser. Blah blah blah, Judai is outraged that he could call the cards that he helped to create smallfries, once again reminding us what Judai's real priorities are, and hey, pointless flashback into Frantz's backstory that no one gives a fuck about. Wow, Pegasus is a real asshole; he specifically notes that Hayato is competent, therby insulting every single other person that Hayato will be working with. Of course, only Frantz has a problem with this, since only a bad person could ever dislike a friend of Judai's. Also, apparently Frantz's cards are too reliant on power, which is why Pegasus doesn't approve them. Because that makes sense, and is consistent with the cards that actually get released, both in the anime and in the real world!
Wow! I just tore my back in half! Neat!
So yeah, this inspired Frantz to create a card even greater than the gods, which is a farce on the face of it, so I'll just ignore the rest of Frantz's little inane rant. Oh, and now Frantz activates Ra's other effect, sacrificing all but one of his life points to merge with Ra itself, increasing its attack points by 1199. Wait...
...
...
...
Are you telling me that Frantz could have used both of Ra's effects, on his first turn, and won before Judai could have done a single thing to defend himself?
...
...
It is like a mobius strip of stupidity. It coils in on itself, possessing but one perfect dimension of stupidity. It is a transcendental stupid that shall never, ever have an equal, even unto the heat death of the universe.
So, as Frantz and the Writers have demonstrated that they are the stupidest things in all existence, he attacks Judai directly, who of course sends Damage-Off Zone to the grave to reduce the damage to zero, but reducing his life points by half in the process. Of course, he still should have died from the sheer pain of God's attack, but hey, if he did that, he wouldn't be Gary Stu, now would he? Frantz sets a card to end his turn, and hey! Even though Judai should be terrified out of his mind, he perks right up when he draws the card that Hayato made for him, which will just so happen to be absolutely perfect for this situation! It's the Field Spell Card Skyscraper...2! Hero City! Which in the process of being played, destroys Frantz's field spell card.
Judai, shut the fuck up, God does not need your help to get back its pride. Implying otherwise, is blasphemy. Also, Skyscraper II's effect is that Judai can once per turn special summon an E-Hero that was destroyed through battle, so of course he brings back Neos. And then he summons Glow Moss and activates its effect, hoping that Frantz will draw a spell card so that he can attack directly with it. It is of course a spell card, in this case Monster Reborn, so Glow Moss can attack directly when Frantz has but 1 life point. Gee, will the writers shamelessly rip off of Yami Malik's playbook? You know, the guy who could not only legitimately use the real Ra, but also knew how to use its effects? Of course they do! Frantz activates Defusion, separating from Ra and taking with him 4499 life points. Judai is all outraged that Frantz would do such a thing, proclaiming that this is somehow disrespectful to Ra, as though the writers hadn't already shown off their contempt for Ra by merely contemplating this episode in the first place. Also, what the fuck would Judai know of respect? Until he apologizes to Misawa for his shitty and reprehensible behavior towards him, I will continue to hold Judai in contempt.
Blah blah blah, Frantz goes on about how he's the real god, and Judai is a raging dumbass, like he usually is. Oh, and just to show case his truly epic hypocrisy, Judai declares that since Ra is in pain, he'll put him down to sleep.
...
...
...
...
...
...
You know, the writers are lucky that the Egyptian Pantheon doesn't exist in real life, or else they would have all been horribly killed as their arms spontaneously ripped themselves out of their sockets, and strangled them to death. Mind you, I'm sure that the Egyptian Pantheon could come up with worse, but I'm only human.
So yeah, Judai attacks Ra with Glow Moss, destroying it for 300 damage. Then he attacks directly with Neos, leaving Frantz with 1700 life points, and since Frantz has Monster Reborn in his hand, he can summon Ra back and win on his next turn, despite playing like a complete idiot thus far. But Judai isn't done yet, and plays yet another One Episode Wonder, Necro Illusion; this lets him special summon one of his opponent's monsters that he destroyed by battle, during the battle phase! Wow, talk about a broken mother of a card! So, yeah...Judai...Judai...
...
...
Ra...
...
...
Does not smite him for his arrogance.
Frantz objects, saying that Judai has no bullshit card with which to control Ra. But Judai...
...
...
proclaims that all he needs to do is believe in his cards, and they'll always respond.
...
...
...
RA DOES NOT GIVE THE THE TINIEST FLIPPING FUCK WHETHER OR NOT YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR CARDS, OR ARE A TRUE DUELIST, OR ANY OF THAT! RISHID WAS FAR MORE OF A TRUE DUELIST THAN JUDAI, AND HE WAS SMOTE THE INSTANT HE SUMMONED HIS FAKE RA CARD! THE ONLY THING RA CARES ABOUT IS IF YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE OF A MILLENNIUM ITEM, MARKING YOUR CONNECTION TO THE COURT OF THE PHARAOH ATEM, WHO WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD SUMMON THE GODS IN THEIR KA FORMS 3000 YEARS AGO!
...
...
Judai gives up 899 life points to Ra, and then sacrifices Neos and Glow Moss to Ra, increasing his attack power to a grand total of 3699, and at no point does Judai merge with Ra. I guess even these writers have their limits, though they are nowhere near sufficient.
So...whatever, Judai just won yet another duel by virtue of his opponent being an even bigger raging moron than him. And this somehow fails to kill Frantz.
...
...
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
...
...
I'm sorry, I do that sometimes, and I have no idea why.
So after I punch Judai's fucking face in, Hayato decides to leave without a word, never again to show his mug on this show ever again. Hey, pointless flashback; couldn't we have seen all this at the time when it happened? Oh wait, that would make sense, and nothing about this episode is allowed to make sense. Also, it is implied that Pegasus never got around to getting his empty eye socket filled in. Wouldn't that result in horrible painful infections that could kill you? You know, the way Pegasus was supposed to have been killed at the end of Duelist Kingdom, only the anime is handled by a moron named Shin Yoshida, who decided that randomly bringing Pegasus back for DOMA made sense, and is single-handily responsible for pretty much every single horrible turn the franchise has taken since the original manga came to an end?
Anyway, bullshit emotional resolution is bullshit and utterly unfulfilling besides, not that any of this matters since this entire episode was filler to begin with and as such will be forgotten just like every other filler episode in this entire series. End fucking episode.
NEXT TIME! Judai duels a random Kabuki Theater Performer! I don't give a fuck! EPISODE TITLE, RUNWAY DUEL! card of the week is Skyscraper II.
This episode is even more blasphemous than the one with the failure pharaoh. Why is this show being written by people who have such a vendetta against everything about the original series? Between the sheer disrespect for the original metaphysics, to the hatred for the Power of Friendship and everything in between, this show is just plain hateful.
TITLE SCREEN! THE MAN WHO MANIPULATES THE GOD CARD, SUN DRAGON OF RA come on show, go ahead, try and break me, you know you want to!
HELICOPTER! And out comes Pegasus, here to grab up another quick paycheck. Boy, I hope that Pegasus's voice actor isn't in debt and that's the reason he keeps agreeing to show up like this. Oh, right, the actual show. Wait...is that Hayato? The fat, bland, and utterly forgettable character who left the series when the writers realized what a waste of ink he was? Who wants to bet that he's just as pointless now as he was back then? Everyone? Good! Seriously though, back to the show; Judai just barges into Principal Samejima's office, no comprehension of how rude he's being, all excited about getting to see Hayato again and not at all concerned about the conversation he's just interrupted. Of course there is no reprimand or punishment, just Hayato giving Judai a hug and Pegasus asking who the heck Judai is. Apparently Hayato's been telling Pegasus all about Judai, which means that the shilling for our resident Wesley has already been taken care of. Hey, exposition that no one who's been watching this show could conceivably need; are the writers talking down to us? Yes they are, YES THEY ARE, WHO'S A STUPID AUDIENCE WHO'LL SWALLOW WHATEVER DRIVEL IT'S GIVEN? WHO'S THE AUDIENCE THAT ENJOYED DOMA DESPITE IT BEING OFFICIALLY SANCTIONED CANON DEFILEMENT? WE ARE!
So anyway, onto the exposition that explains the plot for the episode; someone's stolen the Sun Dragon of Ra!...or to be more precise, it is a copy, since the original, true God Card is no longer available for anyone's use. Personally, I like the idea that after defeating Atem, Yuugi got to keep the God Cards as a mark that he's the true King of Games, but that's beside the point; the point here, is who the fuck thought it was a good idea to create a copy of a God Card, considering that whenever anyone tried to play a copy of a God Card, they were horribly horribly killed, and Pegasus knows this? Some bullshit about one copy being left for research purposes, which doesn't even begin to make sense, and it has been stolen by Pegasus's main designer, who's taken it to use in the GX tournament. Now, how he's managed to do this without being turned into a deep-fried vegetable by the wrath of Ra, should prove to be an...interesting answer.
And I like how Samejima notes that everyone on the island is in danger so long as the God Card is loose, and has yet to warn anyone outside of that room. I'd blame Samejima, but really, that's just the narcissism of the writers at work. Judai finally adds two and two together, and realizes that it was Ra he saw earlier...oh, and never mind what I said earlier, Samejima does warn everyone, although he just says that the tournament's being interrupted without explaining why, so you know that you're going to have a bunch of people disregarding that warning anyway. So, really, I only take back half of what I said earlier. Blah blah blah, the only point of this scene in Judai's room, and the only point of Hayato's continued existence, is to give Judai the card that will let him win today's duel. Because obviously Judai is going to duel Ra, and if he gets burned alive, I won't mind that at all.
So, apparently he catches up with Pegasus in a very poorly drawn background, and Pegasus provides more exposition instead of looking for the escaped God Card Copy. Said exposition is shit any proper fan of Yugioh already knows, so if you needed that exposition, than you need to stop watching any form of Yugioh right this instant, you unworthy bastard! Oh hey, its Frantz, the guy they were looking for. Only he finds them, as is typical for this show, where the protagonists are forbidden from taking any initiative whatsoever, and those who do are punished mercilessly. Pegasus tries to talk some sense into Frantz, but unfortunately Frantz can't understand him through his thick accent. Also, Frantz is a nutter and wouldn't listen anyway. He challenges Pegasus, but of course Judai has to have his way, and even though from Pegasus's point of view Judai is just some stupid kid who's no clue what he's getting himself into, he doesn't stop him. By the way, Judai's entire basis for wanting to stop Frantz is because he's wrecking Yuugi's legend, and has nothing to do with all the lives he's endangering. Good to know Judai has his priorities in order, right?
Also, what is this bullshit about Yuugi being able to see the spirits of the cards? Oh, right, that must have been an Anime addition, since in the original manga, the only spirit that Yuugi would see was Atem. Oh adaptation decay, is there nothing you won't taint with your touch? AND KNOCK OFF THAT BULLSHIT WHERE YOU SUPERIMPOSE YUUGI OVER JUDAI, IT IS NOTHING LESS THEN THE GREATEST POSSIBLE DESECRATION YOU COULD IMAGINE! Also, I'm noticing that it is Atem who's being superimposed over Judai, and not Yuugi Mutou. Because, you know, Yuugi isn't sparkly enough for his own franchise. So yeah, for those incredibly stupid reasons, Pegasus lets Judai challenge Ra, and I hope Judai gets burned alive for his heresy. Why yes, the God Cards are the most powerful cards, thank you for redundantly pointing that out. Blah blah blah, the duel finally begins.
Judai goes first, and he plays Fusion, sending Wildman and Necrodarkman to the grave for Necroid Shamen. Then he uses Necrodarkman's effect to summon Neos. And, for some reason, Pegasus thinks that Judai summoning Neos is...unbelievable? Why the fuck would he regard Neos as the least bit remarkable? To him, Neos would be just another random card his company's churned out, nothing more. Wait, Judai's sweating? Could it be that he's actually...nervous? Could the gravity of his situation have finally reached him? Frantz takes his turn, and over-dramatic draw, much? Ooh, Frantz just called Judai on his fear. You know, even if Frantz is committing blasphemy of the highest order, if he manages to wipe Judai off the face of the Earth, I think that will balance the books quite nicely. Anyway, he summons Apostle of Ra in attack position, with 1100 attack points. This activates its effect, allowing Frantz to add two more Apostles of Ra from his deck to his hand. Then he plays Trap Booster, discarding a card from his hand to activate a trap card from his hand; in this case, Ultimate Offering. With it, he pays 1000 life points to summon out the other two Apostles of Ra, and to the surprise of nobody, it takes Judai several seconds to realize what it is that Frantz is going to do. Thus, Frantz pays 500 life points, gets one hell of a special effects budget, and down comes Ra. And hey, we've got Judai's shocked face, so already this is going how it should. Yeah Judai, you might have beaten those cheap knock-offs, the Mythic Demons or whatever, but this is the real deal, you prick.
Blah blah blah, Kenzan, Shou, and Hayato all have death wishes, which is just fine by me. Now, how exactly does Frantz plan on keeping Ra from blasting both him and Judai with Lightning, the way it did with Rishid and Jounouchi during the Battle City finals? Well, before we can find out, Frantz seems determined to win a Darwin Award by taunting a GOD! And apparently his safeguard from being fried on the spot...is a Field Spell card called The Mounds of Binding God, which he created.
...
...
QUESTION!
yes?
THIS MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!
that's not a question.
WELL IT SHOULD BE!
Setting aside the fact that in the time it would take for Frantz to play such a card, Ra could kill him many times over...HOW THE FUCK COULD SUCH A CARD EVEN WORK TO BEGIN WITH? THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GOD CARDS IS THAT THEY ARE BEYOND SUCH MEAGER CARDS! THEY SHRUG OFF THE EFFECTS OF SPELLS AND TRAPS LIKE THEY WERE NOTHING, AND THEY CRUSH ALL MONSTERS THEY COME UPON LIKE SO MANY...EASILY CRUSHED THINGS! YES, YUUGI WAS ABLE TO DESTROY RA WITH MAGICAL DIMENSION (LA LA LA, RAGNAROK WAS A STUPID ANIME INVENTION THAT MADE NO SENSE LA LA LA), BUT THAT'S BECAUSE THE WAY IT PLAYED OUT IN THE MANGA, MAGICAL DIMENSION WAS A CROSS BETWEEN A SPELL AND A MONSTER EFFECT, ALLOWING IT TO BYPASS RA'S IMMUNITY. ALSO, THE POINT WAS THAT YUUGI'S MAGICIANS WERE THE REAL ACES OF HIS DECK, AND THEIR COMBINED POWER COULD SURPASS THE GODS!
So, anyway, the bullshit is well underway, chains wrap themselves around Ra, chains that it could easily break if this show weren't stupid incarnate, blah blah blah, and Frantz attacks Necroid Shamen, destroying it for 1400 points of damage. Oh, and in addition to letting Frantz control a God Card, which is absolute bullshit, every time a level 10 or higher monster destroys a monster, 400 damage is dealt to the opponent. Well, that was underwhelming. Also, Judai isn't in anywhere near as much pain as he should be. Why isn't he in more pain? Also, if Ra is crying, it is because of the heresy that the writers are committing against it. Also, Judai, stop it right the fuck now, or else I will hate you even more than I already do, which is impossible, being that I hate you with every fiber of my being as it is.
EYECATCH!
Oh hey, the other members of the idiot squad are here. Whatever, I don't give a fuck about them. Judai's turn, he switches Neos to defense position, and he summons...Card Gunner? Yes, it's yet another random ass card that doesn't fit into Judai's deck at all, but the writers put it in anyway because it's not like Judai doesn't get enough in the way of random cards as it is. Anyway, he summons it in defense, and that's his turn. Frantz goes next and summons Nubian Guard, with 500 attack points. Ra kills Neos, does 400 damage with the Mounds, and using a God as a mere beatstick? How pathetic can you get! Anyway, Nubian Guard destroys Card Gunner, which activates its effect, letting Judai draw another card. And Frantz just ends his turn, with a very vulnerable 500 attack power monster on the field, and nothing to protect it. More and more, this guy is a moron, with stupidity on par with the writers.
Judai's turn, oh what a shock, Pot of Greed. And he summons Burstlady...huh, I would have expected Bubbleman. I guess the writers realized that would have been too trite and predictable, even for them...nahhh! And now he plays Burst Impact, which since he has Burst Lady will destroy all other monsters on the field. Of course, Judai is a complete moron, and while Nubian Guard is destroyed for 300 damage, Ra is untouched. Oh hey, another bullshit one-episode only situational card! This bullshit card is call Damage-Off Zone, and so long as its on the field, Judai will only suffer half battle damage, and he can send it to the grave, along with half of his life points, to reduce battle damage to zero. Why isn't this a trap card?
Frantz takes his turn, and decides that one good turn deserves another, so he pays 1000 life points to destroy all of Judai's monsters, which in this case is just Burst Lady. Why the fuck he didn't do this when he first summoned Ra so that he could attack directly, and then one more time on the next turn so that he could attack for the win, I've no idea. But hey, as we've well established by now, Frantz is even stupider than the writers. Also, why the fuck wasn't Judai killed just now? Jounouchi only barely survived, and that's because he's Jounouchi, a genuine BAMF. Judai, by contrast, is a fucking poser. Blah blah blah, Judai is outraged that he could call the cards that he helped to create smallfries, once again reminding us what Judai's real priorities are, and hey, pointless flashback into Frantz's backstory that no one gives a fuck about. Wow, Pegasus is a real asshole; he specifically notes that Hayato is competent, therby insulting every single other person that Hayato will be working with. Of course, only Frantz has a problem with this, since only a bad person could ever dislike a friend of Judai's. Also, apparently Frantz's cards are too reliant on power, which is why Pegasus doesn't approve them. Because that makes sense, and is consistent with the cards that actually get released, both in the anime and in the real world!
Wow! I just tore my back in half! Neat!
So yeah, this inspired Frantz to create a card even greater than the gods, which is a farce on the face of it, so I'll just ignore the rest of Frantz's little inane rant. Oh, and now Frantz activates Ra's other effect, sacrificing all but one of his life points to merge with Ra itself, increasing its attack points by 1199. Wait...
...
...
...
Are you telling me that Frantz could have used both of Ra's effects, on his first turn, and won before Judai could have done a single thing to defend himself?
...
...
It is like a mobius strip of stupidity. It coils in on itself, possessing but one perfect dimension of stupidity. It is a transcendental stupid that shall never, ever have an equal, even unto the heat death of the universe.
So, as Frantz and the Writers have demonstrated that they are the stupidest things in all existence, he attacks Judai directly, who of course sends Damage-Off Zone to the grave to reduce the damage to zero, but reducing his life points by half in the process. Of course, he still should have died from the sheer pain of God's attack, but hey, if he did that, he wouldn't be Gary Stu, now would he? Frantz sets a card to end his turn, and hey! Even though Judai should be terrified out of his mind, he perks right up when he draws the card that Hayato made for him, which will just so happen to be absolutely perfect for this situation! It's the Field Spell Card Skyscraper...2! Hero City! Which in the process of being played, destroys Frantz's field spell card.
Judai, shut the fuck up, God does not need your help to get back its pride. Implying otherwise, is blasphemy. Also, Skyscraper II's effect is that Judai can once per turn special summon an E-Hero that was destroyed through battle, so of course he brings back Neos. And then he summons Glow Moss and activates its effect, hoping that Frantz will draw a spell card so that he can attack directly with it. It is of course a spell card, in this case Monster Reborn, so Glow Moss can attack directly when Frantz has but 1 life point. Gee, will the writers shamelessly rip off of Yami Malik's playbook? You know, the guy who could not only legitimately use the real Ra, but also knew how to use its effects? Of course they do! Frantz activates Defusion, separating from Ra and taking with him 4499 life points. Judai is all outraged that Frantz would do such a thing, proclaiming that this is somehow disrespectful to Ra, as though the writers hadn't already shown off their contempt for Ra by merely contemplating this episode in the first place. Also, what the fuck would Judai know of respect? Until he apologizes to Misawa for his shitty and reprehensible behavior towards him, I will continue to hold Judai in contempt.
Blah blah blah, Frantz goes on about how he's the real god, and Judai is a raging dumbass, like he usually is. Oh, and just to show case his truly epic hypocrisy, Judai declares that since Ra is in pain, he'll put him down to sleep.
...
...
...
...
...
...
You know, the writers are lucky that the Egyptian Pantheon doesn't exist in real life, or else they would have all been horribly killed as their arms spontaneously ripped themselves out of their sockets, and strangled them to death. Mind you, I'm sure that the Egyptian Pantheon could come up with worse, but I'm only human.
So yeah, Judai attacks Ra with Glow Moss, destroying it for 300 damage. Then he attacks directly with Neos, leaving Frantz with 1700 life points, and since Frantz has Monster Reborn in his hand, he can summon Ra back and win on his next turn, despite playing like a complete idiot thus far. But Judai isn't done yet, and plays yet another One Episode Wonder, Necro Illusion; this lets him special summon one of his opponent's monsters that he destroyed by battle, during the battle phase! Wow, talk about a broken mother of a card! So, yeah...Judai...Judai...
...
...
Ra...
...
...
Does not smite him for his arrogance.
Frantz objects, saying that Judai has no bullshit card with which to control Ra. But Judai...
...
...
proclaims that all he needs to do is believe in his cards, and they'll always respond.
...
...
...
RA DOES NOT GIVE THE THE TINIEST FLIPPING FUCK WHETHER OR NOT YOU BELIEVE IN YOUR CARDS, OR ARE A TRUE DUELIST, OR ANY OF THAT! RISHID WAS FAR MORE OF A TRUE DUELIST THAN JUDAI, AND HE WAS SMOTE THE INSTANT HE SUMMONED HIS FAKE RA CARD! THE ONLY THING RA CARES ABOUT IS IF YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE OF A MILLENNIUM ITEM, MARKING YOUR CONNECTION TO THE COURT OF THE PHARAOH ATEM, WHO WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD SUMMON THE GODS IN THEIR KA FORMS 3000 YEARS AGO!
...
...
Judai gives up 899 life points to Ra, and then sacrifices Neos and Glow Moss to Ra, increasing his attack power to a grand total of 3699, and at no point does Judai merge with Ra. I guess even these writers have their limits, though they are nowhere near sufficient.
So...whatever, Judai just won yet another duel by virtue of his opponent being an even bigger raging moron than him. And this somehow fails to kill Frantz.
...
...
BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD, SKULLS FOR THE SKULL THRONE!
...
...
I'm sorry, I do that sometimes, and I have no idea why.
So after I punch Judai's fucking face in, Hayato decides to leave without a word, never again to show his mug on this show ever again. Hey, pointless flashback; couldn't we have seen all this at the time when it happened? Oh wait, that would make sense, and nothing about this episode is allowed to make sense. Also, it is implied that Pegasus never got around to getting his empty eye socket filled in. Wouldn't that result in horrible painful infections that could kill you? You know, the way Pegasus was supposed to have been killed at the end of Duelist Kingdom, only the anime is handled by a moron named Shin Yoshida, who decided that randomly bringing Pegasus back for DOMA made sense, and is single-handily responsible for pretty much every single horrible turn the franchise has taken since the original manga came to an end?
Anyway, bullshit emotional resolution is bullshit and utterly unfulfilling besides, not that any of this matters since this entire episode was filler to begin with and as such will be forgotten just like every other filler episode in this entire series. End fucking episode.
NEXT TIME! Judai duels a random Kabuki Theater Performer! I don't give a fuck! EPISODE TITLE, RUNWAY DUEL! card of the week is Skyscraper II.
This episode is even more blasphemous than the one with the failure pharaoh. Why is this show being written by people who have such a vendetta against everything about the original series? Between the sheer disrespect for the original metaphysics, to the hatred for the Power of Friendship and everything in between, this show is just plain hateful.
