Where I rewatch Yugioh GX, Episode 116

[cypsiman2]

A recap of the most tediously dull and boring duel ever, the rest of the group is lost in the jungle, Judai is passed out, and Amon compensates by continuing to be a badass superspy, planting card bombs as he makes his way through the air vents, O'Brian's still stuck in a hole, and PROFESSOR COBRA has all the subtlety of a villain from a 1980's Saturday morning cartoon. Woo.

TITLE SCREEN! THE GEM BEASTS VS. HELL GUNDOG boring, this is so boring, this is so boring, so very boring.

So yeah, Johan's getting his ass kicked by a guy who's strongest monster has a meager 1000 attack points, and Giese continues his inane attempt at an "we are not so different speech" which could conceivably work if it were possible to care about either character. Being that that is impossible, this falls flat. Blah blah blah, this is the exact same dialogue as before, shouldn't the recap be over and done with by now? And now we get a flashback to the exact moment when Johan was given the Gembeasts by Pegasus himself. Yeah, apparently for some reason they are encased in crystal or something like that, flashback within a flashback to remind us that Johan didn't do anything to earn the cards aside from existing, and the crystal just magically crumbles away when Johan reaches out to the cards. Yes, we get it, Johan is just as sparkly as Judai, because they are exactly the same character, the former being a palette swap of the latter. Blah blah blah, Johan wants to live up to the Gem Beasts expectations because it's not like he has any human bonds that he can live up to, on account of humans being boring losers, blah blah blah, some drivel about Johan suddenly getting heated up, and Giese sets a card to end his turn. Johan's turn, he summons Topaz Tiger, which prompts Giese to activate Trap Hole; when the opponent normal summons a monster with 1000 attack points or more, destroy that monster. Blah blah, Topaz becomes a gem in Johan's spell/trap zone, and now that Johan has two gems, he can go ahead and activate Rare Value, sending Cobalt Eagle to the grave to draw two cards. And now, E-Force; this lets Johan special summon a Gem Beast from his spell/trap zone back to the monster zone. Blah blah, Johan attacks and destroys Hell Gundog for 1000 damage, but this activates Hell Gundog's effect, letting Giese special summon another one from his deck. That is still a shitty as all hell monster.

But Johan expected this, and activates Induced Summon, letting each of them special summon a level-four or lower monster from their hand. Giese has no cards in his hand, so he's screwed, and Johan summons Emerald Turtle. And now another Quick-Spell, M-Force...that's so creatively sterile, I don't think I can have children anymore. This raises Emerald Turtle's attack power by 500, giving it a total attack power of 1100. He attacks and destroys the second Hell Gundog for 100 points of damage, Giese summons his third and final Hell Gundog in defense, Johan fails at banter, blah blah, and then Johan uses Emerald Turtle's effect to switch it to defense, ending his turn. Giese draws Pot of Avarice, which requires five monsters in the grave, but giese only has three. Giese sets it, bluffs, blah blah blah, Johan sees right through him, switches Emerald Turtle to attack, and has it destroy Hell Gundog, which possesses only 500 defense points, because it is the shittiest monster ever, my god, what a shitty monster. Johan attacks directly with Topaz Tiger for 1600 points of damage, Johan switches Emerald Turtle back to defense, and ends his turn. Giese draws, and it is another Lure Phantom, which only has zero defense points, meaning next turn he is going to lose. God, fucking, damn, how much do the writers love Johan, when they give him such a pathetic, wretched, weakling of an opponent? But wait! He claims to have another trump card! What on Earth could he possibly mean?

EYECATCH!

Out in the jungle, Jim demands a status report, because apparently he's in charge. Oh, and thank you for reminding us that Asuka getting stuck in that stupid random water trap was more about giving Judai and Satou something to angst about rather then develop her character any. Bravo writers, you truly deserve the title of 'fuckwit'. Really, this whole scene is a waste of time, just regurgitating past events without providing any new context in which to understand them. And now they're running. Whoo. Fortunately, Amon is still being mister awesome, stopping in the airvent as he is confronted by laser wires. Fortunately, he's got these special little caps that can block of the lasers without triggering them, so while he's been slowed down, Amon's not out of the game yet. And now Judai finally wakes back up. You, he recovered pretty damn quick, considering that he didn't get any food or water or anything. But hey, like any of us were expecting consistency from this show, right? Okay, he's not fully recovered, but he should still be passed out anyway. Elsewhere, PROFESSOR COBRA has crunched the numbers, and believes that Johan's duel with Giese should do the trick, and so he tells his lava lamp of PURE EVIL that the offerings for its revival shall soon be provided. But back to the most tedious duel ever, Giese summons Lure Phantom in defense, and ends his turn. Blah blah blah, Johan looks at Sapphire Pegasus, swears he'll save him right now, switches Emerald Turtle to attack position again and destroys Lure Phantom, and it's that wretched track again. What is this, I don't even. Johan attacks directly with Topaz Tiger to finish this incredibly boring duel, but Giese tells him to hold off the attack. Johan asks if Giese wants his life spared, but Giese says it isn't him that Johan should spare, it is....

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
ZE HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
SHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
YO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO
KI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI SHI

Okay...okay...remember that kid, Tom, who had his Jerry Beans Card, his bestest best friend in the whole wide world, stolen from him? Yeah, Giese was the one who did it. I mean, not only is this incredibly contrived, but the fact that Giese needs two different sets of hostages just to keep from losing is laughable. Not to mention that it's a fucking Jerry Beans Man card, how in the fuck am I supposed to take this anywhere as seriously as Johan is taking it? And I don't get the impression that this is supposed to be a parody or satire or anything, the writers really do think that its viewing audience is going to give a rat's ass about some stupid dirt-common, run-of-the-mill card. Unnecessary flashback is unnecessary, all the blather about bonds with spirits is really stupid, and Giese revealed that he spied on Johan as he tried to comfort Toma and encourage his unhealthy attachment to imaginary friends, and was interested in the fact that Johan could also see spirits, like him. Blah blah blah, and now Giese says that if Johan doesn't call off his attack, he'll go ahead and tear Jearry Beans Man's card in half! OH NOES! Must...avoid...dying of laughter...whoo, that was a close one. So yeah, Johan cancels the attack, switches Emerald Turtle to defense, and ends his turn. Gieses's turn, he activates Pot of Avarice, returning all five monsters in his grave to his deck to draw two cards, he summons Camouflage Gardna in defense with 1900 defense points, and now he activates the spell card Decoy Baby, allowing him to capture a monster of the same type as one of the one's he's already captured. Topaz Tiger is caught in a net, and now he activates the permanent spell card Substitute Pain, letting him deal 400 damage to his opponent for every monster he's captured. He's got three, so Johan takes 1200. They don't say it, but I have to imagine that this is once per turn. Johan is whipped, I'm sure the more shallow portions of the fanbase really liked that, and Johan has only 600 life points left.

Blah blah blah, Giese looks even more pathetic than usual as he pulls out his Jerry Beans Man card, and while he's supposed to come off as cruel and heartless for not understanding why Johan is sacrificing himself to save such a trash cared as Jerry Beans Man, he is in fact being perfectly rational. Oh, wait, he likes to hear Jerry Beans Man in pain, they're both nutters. Blah blah blah, Johan must choose whether to save Sapphire Pegasus or Jerry Beans Man, blah blah blah, Giese says no one will know (or care) if Johan sacrifices Jerry Beans Man, but Judai is now listening in, and Johan blathers on about how its his mission to build the bridge between humans and spirits, and I roll my eyes so hard, they roll right out of my head. Seriously, Giese is the first and will be the only human who is hostile to the fricking duel spirits, so Johan has no real mission, at all. As Judai listens in on this pretentious drivel, he notices a convenient ladder. He climbs up, Giese says Johan's just going to lose both cards, blah blah blah, this is really dragging out, can we just please skip to the part where Judai "miraculously" saves Sapphire Pegasus so Johan will stop whining? Thank you, Judai swings down and kicks Giese down, knocking the Jerry Beans Man card out of his hand. That drivel out of the way, Johan finally takes his turn, draws Sapphire Pegasus, and Giese says some really stupid twadle about how a card that's been divided from its sprit has no power...no, I'm pretty damn sure that all the card needs is the rules text and stats, plus some nice artwork. That's how it worked in the manga, and the cards that had spirits were the rare exception. This version of how the cards work, is just stupid. Blah blah blah, more blather, and Johan gets Sapphire Pegasus to break free.

And the rest of the video is lost, as 4Kids is invoking copyright. Even though this is a video of the sub, and they only have dub episodes up. This is going to be a problem, but I'll read the summaries if I have to. Anyway, Johan activates Sapphire Pegasus's effect, placing Ruby Carbuncle in his spell/trap zone. Then, since he has Sapphire Pegasus on the field, he plays To The Wings, returning all the Gem Beasts on the field to his hand aside from Sapphire Pegasus, including the ones that Giese had captured. Finally, he plays GEM Burst, removing G-Force, E-Force, and M-Force in his grave from play to place every Gem Beast in his hand in his spell/trap zone, dealing 500 damage for each one. Yes, yes, pretty rainbow laser, whatever. Judai congratulates Johan, and then Giese, in a trite effort on the part of the writers to make him appear sympathetic at the last second, says that he once had a Card Spirit, but it was stolen from him and he was left heartbroken. Like anyone gives a shit. It's a good thing the writers will never, ever, EVER do anything like that, ever again, right? Blah blah blah, the Dis-Belts activate, and then a whole mess of tiny weak spirits appear around Giese out of nowhere and for no reason at all. Giese screams in terror, and then vanishes into a plothole, and now he'll never ever be brought up again, and Johan's character hasn't developed in the least, so even though these past two episodes were connected to the plot, they still have the stench of filler about them. Judai are all "No u, no u" at each other, and PROFESSOR COBRA finds that the duel didn't provide him with the Duel Energy he needed, so now he's going to take things into his own hands. End episode.

NEXT TIME! Judai goes to duel PROFESSOR COBRA, like anyone expected anything else. EPISODE TITLE, A DECISIVE BATTLE! JUDAI VS. PROFESSOR COBRA! card of the week is gem burst, never released.

Aside from the epically hilarious stupid of Giese using Jerry Beans Man as a hostage and expecting us to still be able to take any of this drivel seriously...this was a really boring episode. Johan is a boring character, and so was his Evil Counterpart.