cypsiman2: I still believe in my dreams (Your writing is bad)
[personal profile] cypsiman2
Last time, Shou showed up with all the grace of a spear carrier and reveals that all the people who'd supposedly died are not in fact dead, they've just been getting tortured by Yubel this entire time. Never you mind how arbitrary, sudden, and inexplicable this reveal and its timing are, this means that Judai can "redeem" himself, as though anyone gives a shit about something like that. Also, Shou repeats his spiel about how Judai needs to draw upon the power of the Supreme King to win a children's card game, because that will make a difference, apparently. Because as we all know, a propensity to spontaneous bursts of genocide is the true mark of a skilled gamer.

TITLE SCREEN! SUPREME KING JUDAI RESURRECTED oh joy, now he'll decree that card games must be played every hour on the hour, or death shall be swift and painful.

Pan up that phallic tower, and now Judai has glowy golden eyes, because that's what the writers think is the mark of a good character. Now he's just plain glowing all over. Maybe I'm just wearing rose-colored glasses, but I don't recall Atem glowing like that. And now Supreme King Judai has a message for Yubel; long story short, while sie was whining and moaning in the vastness of space over how "unfair" hir situation was, Judai ended up making lots of friends, and while the writers won't admit that he was a terrible friend who treated his companions like absolute shit, he did learn that real love is big enough to encompass the entire universe...when the hell did he learn this? Oh, who cares, the point is he's calling Yubel out on hir self-indulgent masturbatory bullshit, and I really shouldn't be objecting to that at all. Yubel has yet to process being told, and Judai takes his turn. He plays Neo-Spacia Wave, sacrificing all his E-Heroes to special summon an equal number of random Neo-Spacians from his deck, and he goes on about the Light of Destruction and the Gentle Darkness, and as I established in my previous recap, all this drivel about the Light of Destruction "corrupting" Yubel is just...I'm sorry, I was distracted by how stupid Judai looks with those blank Golden Eyes of his. Anyway, Judai gives up his heroes, and summons Glow Moss, Air Hummingbird, and Aqua Dolphin. Judai goes on and on about how these are his friends that will get rid of the Evil Light, and before I go over Yubel's drivel, this shot establishes that hir Third Eye is situated over the crown of hir hair. Sloppy much? Anyway, sie goes on about how sie could never have endured hir suffering if sie didn't believe that Judai loved hir, and zomg, how dare those hores take your attention away from me. Supreme King Judai does not care for this bullshit, and Yubel admits that it was useless to try.

Sie then adds that since Judai activated another spell card, that adds another counter to Magic Chronicle, but as Judai points out, sie doesn't get hir new card until hir turn, and he's not done yet by a long shot. Blah blah blah about how Magic Chronicle can only have a maximum of two counters at any one time, and he plays Neo-Spacian Extent. Anyway, Judai sacrifices Glow Moss for Twinkle Moss, whose only significant difference is in that it lets Judai draw a card for its effect, rather than the opponent. Oh, and now it has boobs. Weird. Then Air Hummingbird talks, calling upon Judai to activate its effect, and we are once again reminded of what a terrible idea it is to have the monsters talk. Anyway, Judai uses Air Hummingbird's effect and recovers 1500 life points, striking a really stupid pose as he does so. Then he attacks with Twinkle Moss, using its effect to draw a card to determine what will happen next; it's a spell card, so Twinkle Moss gets to attack directly, so Yubel takes 500 points of damage. Now Judai plays the spell card he just drew, Spacia Gift, letting him draw one card for every Neo-Spacian he controls, for a grand total of three. Finally, Judai sets a card and ends his turn. Yubel laughs, saying this is Judai's love for hir, and once again Supreme King Judai delivers the verbal smackdown on the psychotic twit, telling hir in no uncertain terms that he hates hir and will wipe hir from the face of the universe. Yubel is all "Oh, you're so cruel", and Judai just doesn't give a shit. He is prepared to do whatever it takes to destroy hir, he doesn't care if people call him a devil, though I've no idea why anyone would as killing Yubel would make one a shoe-in for Sainthood, and then throws in that there's no way Yubel can beat him, since sie doesn't have any friends. Of course, neither does he, but again, he's smacking Yubel down, let's not wreck the moment.

Yubel takes hir turn, and now activates the effect of Magic Chronicle. Judai has to choose from four cards now, and he lets hir have Demon Rose, a trap card. Sie then has "Yubel" attack Aqua Dolphin, more blather about pain and love, Aqua Dolphin opens its noise hole, and Yubel says this is all Judai's fault for daring to have friends and connections to anything that wasn't hir. The exact same attitude sie possessed well before getting shot into space and being allegedly corrupted by the Light of Destruction, something we have only hir word for and the odds of hir making up some self-serving story are pretty damn high, but now its time to get back on track. Yubel attacks again in accordance with Zero Sprite, dealing another 600 damage to Judai, sie uses hir sacrifice lotus combo to keep "Yubel" on the field, and sets two cards to end hir turn. Sie blathers on some more about how hir love is greater than Judai's monsters, Judai realizes he needs to get rid of Sacrifice Lotus so that Yubel can't use it to keep "Yubel" on the field, and then Shou decides to be a little prick, whining about how this can't be the limit of the Supreme King who sacrificed his friends for power. Seriously, what the flaming fucking hell? Supreme King Judai is doing his damndest to get himself out of the hole that his soft and stupid counterpart got him into, where the hell does Shou get off whining and saying otherwise? And that stupid magic tattoo appears again, and not a single fuck was given. Blah blah blah, apparently this helps Judai realize some stupid and inane truth about himself, and Judai takes his turn. He needs prodding from Air Hummingbird again to activate its effect, recovering another 1500 life points, and I really don't know what the hell Judai is so worried about; I mean, he's recovering life points faster than Yubel can drain them.

Yubel whines and says sie's going to get rid of those Neo-Spacian eyesores, and then Judai summons Card Excluder, an utterly random card that has no place in his deck. And seriously, god in hell, that blank look in those inane gold eyes of his just makes Judai look even stupider than before; ironic, considering that he's finally begun to demonstrate evidence of a brain-stem. Anyway, once per turn Card Excluder can remove a card in the opponents grave from play, so he'll do that to get rid of Sacrifice Lotus, but Shou is sure that Yubel will have a counter for that, because he's apparently decided to be a prick for this episode, and Yubel does; it's called Zero Hole, and it negates Card Excluder's effect and destroys it. Yubel goes on about how sie can't let Judai see her as a nuisance, grossly understating how vile sie is, and Card Excluder goes boom. But Judai was in turn prepared for that, and so he activates his trap card, N-Signal, which is just like Hero Signal and Destiny Signal, but for Neo-Spacians. Judai then special summons Ground Mole from his deck, and Yubel whines about yet another Neo-Spacian taking Judai's oh so precious love away from hir. Really, why is Judai's love such a precious commodity? It's not like he possesses any sort of admirable characteristics that would serve as cause for someone to love him, he's just the author's pet, nothing more. Anyway, Ground Mole opens its noise hole, and attacks, hoping to use its effect to return "Yubel" back to hir hand. Yubel can't let that happen, so sie activates hir other trap card, Hate Buster, destroying both "Yubel" and Ground Mole, dealing Ground Mole's attack as damage to Judai, or 900 points. Judai apologizes to Ground Mole for getting it destroyed, but at least "Yubel" is destroyed...and before the DBZ dust can clear, "Das Abscheulich Ritter", which is supposed to be German for "The Detestable Knight", but is of course garbled to anyone with a decent fluency in the language. Also, I do not understand how Judai can be so shocked, you'd think he'd remember the effect of his "favorite card", but no, he doesn't. Because even now, he is still a giant pile of fail. And now Yubel is a giant two headed dragon with a big eye in its chest. Say it with me everyone, ATTACK THE WEAK POINT FOR MASSIVE DAMAGE!

EYECATCH!

Yubel teleports onto hir "evolved" monster, and Yubel can't believe how much Judai hates hir; sie saw the entirety of the twelve dimensions as a place to fill with hir love for Judai, as obviously there is no one else in the universe at all, and now sie is throwing a hissy-fit. Blah blah blah, everything sie did, sie did to make Judai love hir, and now it isn't working, so now sie'll just go ahead and destroy the entirety of existence, because not only can sie do that, apparently, but also there is no possibility of meeting someone new, because that would just be crazy. Seriously, you have no idea how long-winded Yubel is being here, it is insane how padded and uninteresting this drivel is. Naturally, Judai has no intention of letting Yubel having hir insipid way. He attacks with Twinkle Moss, draws a card, and it is a monster card, so the battle phase ends here and now. Blah blah, and Judai sets a card. Yubel's turn, sie attacks Aqua Dolphin and it is exactly the same as before. What is different though, is that rather than needing to sacrifice Sacrifice Lotus to keep hir monster on the field, sie can instead sacrifice it to destroy a monster on Judai's side of the field. So Sacrifice Lotus does its thing, and Air Hummingbird vanishes into sparkles. Rather unviolent for Yubel. Noise from the Peanut Gallery, Yubel whines some more about how Judai dared to have friends when he already had hir, and Judai says he doesn't defend himself from an inane psychotic twit like hir, who is too stupid to understand something as basic as that. Sie is nonplussed, and ends hir turn. Judai's turn, he draws Fusion. Aqua Dolphin then opens its noise hole, calling upon Judai to sacrifice it and saying their bond won't suffer, it would be honored to give its life to save a friend's, which would mean something if it were an actual person and not a fucking card.

Yubel makes noise, and Judai sacrifices Aqua Dolphin for Elemental Hero Prisma in defense with 1100 defense points. He attacks with Twinkle Moss, drawing Fake Hero with its effect and attacking directly for another 500 points of damage. Yubel is getting seriously fed up with being nickled and dimed like that, and Judai ends his turn. Yubel then opens hir noisehole some more, going on about how if Judai dies here, the lives of his friends will be meaningless, so sie could go ahead and visit even more terrible tortures upon them, especially Shou who's just standing right there, not contributing a damn thing. Again, I am massively summarizing, Yubel does not know how to shut up. Blah blah blah, Yubel says nothing of interest and takes hir turn. Sie attacks Prismer, dropping Judai down to 200 life points, and then destroys Twinkle Moss, as opposed to Prismer, the monster that Aqua Dolphin made such a big damn deal of bringing out. Gosh, I wonder if this forced contrivance will lead somewhere? Perish the thought! More noise from the Peanut Gallery that I do not care about, Shou's characterization in this episode is horribly inconsistent, seriously, does anyone give a shit what Shou thinks? Nobody? Yeah, that sounds about right. Of course, I don't care what Yubel thinks, but since that's actually relevant, to the extent that there is something to be relevant to, I have to deal with it. Sie goes on about how all of Judai's precious Neo-Spacian's are gone, such friendship is nothing before hir love, sie offers him one last chance to accept hir love, and we get a bullshit sequence where Judai remembers his friends, his HUMAN friends. As I've explained numerous times, Judai was an abjectly terrible friend, and he should in no way shape or form be able to call upon their support after what he did to them. In any event, Yubel is aghast, Judai takes his turn, and Johan's spirit appears at Judai's side. Blah blah blah, he'll save everyone with his duel just like Johan did, Judai plays Fake Hero to special summon Neos, a move which will shortly be revealed to be a hideous misplay.

A counter is placed on Magic Chronicle since Judai played a spell card, and now Judai activates Prismer's effect, sending a monster in his deck to the grave to have Prismer's "name" change to that monster. So of course, Prismer turns into Rainbow Dragon. And then Judai plays Fusion, and we can now highlight Judai's mistake; HE DIDN'T HAVE TO PLAY FAKE HERO! FUSION TAKES CARDS THAT ARE ON THE FIELD, AND IN YOUR HAND! THERE WAS NO NEED TO SPECIAL SUMMON NEOS ONTO THE FIELD! NOW JUDAI'S GIVEN YUBEL TWO COUNTERS FOR MAGIC CHRONICLE, SO NEXT TURN JUDAI WILL BE FORCED TO GIVE HIR ANOTHER POWERFUL CARD! IF JUDAI HADN'T WASTED HIS TIME WITH FAKE HERO, MAGIC CHRONICLE WOULD HAVE ONLY ONE COUNTER ON IT, AND YUBEL WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO USE ITS EFFECT. And in case you care the least little bit after all that, Judai fuses Neos and "Rainbow Dragon" to bring Rainbow Neos back out. And of course, there are so many sparkles. So very many sparkles. End episode.

NEXT TIME! The duel yet continues, and if I didn't know better, I'd swear that Judai just said he was going to show Yubel proof of their friendship, I'm going to have to chalk that up to fuzzy subject/object sentence construction for the sake of my sanity. EPISODE TITLE, RAINBOW NEOS VS. YUBEL ULTIMATE FORM card of the week is prismer.

This is it. The next episode, the very next episode, is the absolute nadir of the human condition. The most heinous, reprehensible work that humanity has wrought upon the world, is nigh. Prepare yourself, for it is likely that your sanity will shatter in the face of such nightmarish horror.

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